7 Ways to Stay Close With Friends – Just like seasons of the calendar year, conditions change with our friendships as we move throughout the seasons of our lives. When we’re young, it’s relatively easy to create and maintain friendships. Kids have no fear – they think nothing of going up to someone and saying, “Hi – would you like to be my friend?!” Boom. Relationship solidified. The logistics are also relatively easy. Children and teens spend hours with their friends every single day, both throughout school and any extracurricular activities. The same is true in college – and even more intensified for residential campuses when friends suddenly find themselves living together!
But things are not so easy for adults. Sometimes, that’s okay: there are friendships that naturally fade over time for any number of reasons. Others, though, start to fracture because of what we excuse as simply being too busy. I’d like all of us to challenge our thinking on that. I believe that the joy of life comes at least in part from the people we get to spend it with. As autumn begins to drift toward us, consider how you can prioritize friendships and show the people around you how much you care.
1. Make the effort. We can’t always rely on other people to stay in touch: friendship is a two-way street. I’m not saying that you need to speak with every single one of your acquaintances on a regular basis, but it generally only takes a few minutes to send a casual hello text or Instagram message. Challenge yourself, perhaps, to reach out to a different individual once per week. You can even write their name on your calendar if that helps you get organized. Sometimes – particularly in times of stress or negative circumstances – people might have trouble reaching out proactively. A simple message might open the door and encourage them to connect with you, and that’s pretty special.
2. Work around time zones. I live in Utah and have friends and family spread out all over the world. This means that it’s not always always practical to pick up the phone first thing in the morning and chat with a friend while taking a walk around the neighborhood. Instead, what about sending voice memos using iMessage or WhatsApp? If your friend is anti-voice memos, consider recording a short video of your surroundings as you walk so your long-distance friend can get a better understanding of your day. Being able to relate to each other can be difficult without the benefit of shared space, but there are ways to create that feeling of closeness.
3. Be mindful of not overcommitting. Have you ever had a friend who always seems to flake out on plans? Over time, you may have noticed that you’ve started to give these people a wider berth – avoiding making concrete plans with them since you know they’ll likely cancel anyway. Even if it’s for a valid reason, consistently bailing on someone can feel like a real slap in the face. Set yourself up for success in not becoming that person in your own friend group by limiting the activities that you commit to upfront. By not overwhelming yourself with places to be and people to see, you invite a focus on quality rather than quantity.
4. Try a daytime activity. As the daylight hours start to shorten, it can be harder to work up the willpower to get out of the house to grab evening drinks or dinner with friends. Depending on your schedule and other obligations, think about the people in your network who might be up for meeting at other times. Can you meet for coffee with a friend whose office building is within walking distance from yours? What about booking a morning workout class with someone who lives in your neighborhood but you don’t see as much as you might like? Think outside the box and propose creative ideas for when to see your friends. They’ll likely really appreciate the extra effort and possibility of freeing up more of their evenings.
5. Send a letter out of the blue. In our increasingly digitized world, the default communication strategy is often something that feels low effort… it’s easy for us to fire off a text message, share a TikTok video, or tap the heart on an Instagram post. But when was the last time you got something in the mail (to clarify: I mean something that wasn’t a bill or holiday card)? Imagine how you would feel if you got a sweet handwritten note from a friend. You might hang it on your refrigerator or prop it up on your desk in the office, allowing you to think of them every time you pass by it. You can bring that same joy to others, and all it costs is the price of a simple card and a stamp.
6. Remember key dates. We’re all guilty of it… Despite having the best intentions, sometimes we’ll open Instagram to realize via reposted photos that a friend’s birthday has come and gone. As birthdays or special events happen, add a recurring annual series on whichever calendar app is your favorite. You may even want to consider setting an alarm a handful of days or even a week in advance. People get a ton of texts and phone calls on their actual birthdays, but knowing it’s upcoming can provide a nice opportunity for you to check in during a quieter moment.
7. Show up when it matters most. Think about the people in your life for whom you say you would do anything. If push came to shove, would you really drop all of your other plans to show up for them unconditionally? I want to be clear: not everyone in your life should have this privilege (unless they call you with an actual life-or-death emergency). But if someone who you consider a “top-tier friend” can’t rely on you, you might want to rethink the way you’re prioritizing other things.
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