From Victim to Heroine: How to Take Control of Your Life – “Our education was a dress rehearsal for a life we never lived,” Oscar-nominated filmmaker Nora Ephron recalls a former classmate’s summation of their time at Wellesley College in 1962.
Thirty-four years later, Nora stands before the next group of female Wellesley graduates, urging them not to repeat the same mistakes as many in the classes before them, those who had lives not lived because of personal circumstances, societal norms, cultural values, glass ceilings—all the ways they were prevented from creating an abundantly fulfilling life.
“Be the heroine of your life, not the victim. Because you don’t have the alibi my class had—this is one of the great achievements and mixed blessings you inherit.”
You are the writer, director, and producer of your own world—no excuses for not living your best life today. Unfortunately, those who play the victim role will always be victims until they take responsibility for how they react to adversity, deal with the people and events that block them, and view the world at large. Victims see the world from the outside in, blaming others or their circumstances for what is scarce, unfair, or impossible in their lives. Victors look from the inside out. When you see from the inside out, you are taking control of how you move through this world.
I had a close colleague who was often caught up in some kind of high-level drama. A senior team leader was preventing them from moving forward at work. Someone else was bullying them on social media. Their romantic partner left them after ransacking their house. Drama continued and grew because they could not see their role in causing the chaos swirling around them. They would helplessly fall into the mindset of “I can’t do anything about this.” They could not understand that if they simply said, “Stop!” and no longer engaged in victim-like situations and changed their perspective, most of their distress would end.
Why stay in a work environment that does not let you advance? Try blocking mean people on social media, and good riddance to a toxic partner. You never need that in your life.
I think we all know one person who constantly asks for advice yet takes none of it, preferring to complain rather than actually do something about an unhappy situation. Because they continually play the victim, they perpetuate more of the same, often leading to some kind of lack: lack of having the people they want in their lives, lack of having the career they want, or lack of financial resources. That is because they leave control to outside influences, either limiting or forgoing any abundance in their lives except pain and suffering. When you assume control of your life, you receive a huge confidence boost, which supports overall life satisfaction, enabling you to feel more positive and resilient.
Taking Back Control of Your Life
- Own Your Narrative: Take full responsibility for the decisions you make and the outcomes you create. Shift from a passive approach to an empowered one, actively creating the life you want.
- Recognize and Stop Playing the Victim: Ask yourself: Am I reacting like a victim or responding like a victor? Acknowledge when you fall into the victim mindset and change your focus to what you can control. This simple shift helps you take action and move forward.
- Create Boundaries and Protect Your Peace: Set clear boundaries with people or situations that drain your energy. Whether it is a toxic work environment, negative relationships, or constant online drama, safeguard your peace.
- Focus on What You Can Control: You cannot control others, though you can control how you respond. Focus on what you can control to empower yourself to create the life you desire.
- Let Go of What No Longer Serves You: Clear the emotional and physical clutter that weighs you down. Stop holding onto things that no longer add value to your life, whether they are physical possessions, toxic relationships, or negative emotions.
- Embrace the Power of ‘No’: Learn to say ‘no’ to what does not serve you. Saying ‘no’ to things that drain your energy or distract you from your goals is an essential part of creating the life you want. Prioritize your peace and your purpose.
Your Life Is Now
Your life is not a dress rehearsal. No one is going to care about your life more than you. Seriously, ask yourself, do you want to be the auteur of your life, making life happen, or do you want to merely be an on-set assistant, letting another dictate what you do? The choice is yours and will result in the amount and kind of abundance you create.
An excerpt from my debut book, “Take a Shot at Happiness: How to Write, Direct & Produce the Life You Want,” which reached Amazon’s #1 Bestseller list in the Creativity Self-Help category and was a finalist for the Eric Hoffer Literary Award, is featured in this article. It was voted “Best Personal Development Book of the Year 2024” and received the “2025 Leader of the Year” award from this magazine.
The book has won thirteen prestigious awards, including the Silver Nautilus Book Award and numerous category-winning honors from the NYC Big Book Awards, National Indie Excellence Awards, Best Book Award, and the Independent Press Award. It was also featured in Times Square, New York. It was also featured in New York’s Times Square and the Independent Press Award. It was also featured in New York’s Times Square.
“You are the writer, director, and producer of your life—stop waiting for others to cast you in the role you deserve.”
– Maria Baltazzi
You can find more intentional practices in my book or by downloading my Take a Shot at Happiness app.
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