Exclusive Interview with Geri Maroney
A Journey Through Cancer, Healing, and the “Beautiful Lady” Within
Best Holistic Life Magazine: Let’s start with your story—who is Geri Maroney beyond the cancer diagnosis? What chapters of your life shaped the woman you were before the journey began?
Geri Maroney: I am the middle child of a family of six children. We were raised in the Midwest as a disciplined, hard-working, blue-collar family. We worked hard and followed the rules. I felt that being a middle child sometimes allowed me the opportunity to be “invisible” as my parents dealt with more urgent issues with other siblings. There are things I got away with that my mom is only finding out about now! As part of a large family, siblings learn to cover for one another as well, so we gave my parents a run for their money, that’s for sure!
Throughout my childhood, I always knew I was going to grow up to work hard, go to college, be successful, have a family, and do what I wanted when I wanted to do it. No one was going to stop me; I had a plan.
So, off I went. I put myself through college, both undergrad and master’s, got married, had two beautiful daughters, had an executive corporate job, traveled the world, and stopped for nothing. As Frank Sinatra would say, “I did it my way”!
My “perfect plan” started to crumble when an unforeseen family illness compelled me to step away from my executive corporate job, my dad died, I got divorced, and my world crashed with an unexpected cancer diagnosis.
Life wasn’t going according to my plan. Life had a different plan in mind.
Best Holistic Life Magazine: What was life like the day before cancer entered the picture? What were your dreams, your rhythms, your identity at that time?
Geri Maroney: I was living alone and working to rebuild my life after divorce, which, as a 50-something, wasn’t that much fun! But I felt optimistic about my future, and match.com was my new favorite app! I was in no hurry to lock into a new long-term relationship, but I did enjoy meeting new people. I had friends who lived internationally, so I traveled often and stayed for extended periods. My daughters were living lives of their own, and it was fun to see them become independent women. Things were settling into a new groove, and I was excited for the future. I felt like I was back to executing my plan.
Best Holistic Life Magazine: When you first heard the diagnosis, what was your immediate reaction, not just physically, but emotionally, spiritually? What shook, and what anchored you?
Geri Maroney: I remember the day clearly, it was 7.14.15 when my doctor called to confirm that I had breast cancer. It was Stage Zero DCIS, which meant it hadn’t yet infiltrated other cells. That was the good news. The bad news was that as we sorted our way through my family tree, we uncovered that I had both breast cancer and ovarian cancer in my history on both sides of my family, so that combination added extra diligence and urgency to my situation.
I remember during my mammogram sneaking a peek at the image screen and seeing this very bright spot screaming out as if to “Ha, gotcha”. Oh no, that can’t be good, I thought. I wish I hadn’t looked. The nurse’s demeanor changed, and she asked me to just hang out in the waiting area until the doctor could review the results. She never said it was cancer, but I was already terrified.
I went back to the waiting area, and I could see that I was scaring the other ladies because you typically just get dressed and leave once your procedure is done. Nope, I was stuck there until the other doctor arrived. There were two other ladies in the waiting area, and they heard my nurse say, “Just have a seat, the doctor should arrive shortly.” They both looked at me with an “oh gosh, I’m sorry” look. I was getting really scared.
After about an hour, the doctor arrived and asked me to join her. She took me back to the ultrasound room and explained the lump they found looked ‘suspicious’, so they wanted to go ahead and do the ultrasound right now. Ok, fine. During the ultrasound, she confirmed that the lump was suspicious, so they were sending me to have a needle biopsy as soon as possible.
At this point, I was terrified but in denial. I was so afraid that I couldn’t tell anyone in my family what was happening. Maybe they were wrong. Maybe I didn’t have breast cancer. I didn’t tell anyone for days.
When I heard the words “you have cancer”, my immediate reaction was complete shock and fear. I couldn’t understand how I could get cancer in just one year since I had always diligently done my mammograms as scheduled. It was like life stopped with that moment, forever frozen in time.
I felt betrayed. I felt like I had done all the right things, yet I was the one with breast cancer. That seemed mean. I felt like God must be punishing me for something, but I didn’t know what. What had I done wrong to get cancer?
At this point in my journey, nothing anchored me. I felt lost, scared, and alone. I couldn’t lean on God because I thought he was mad at me. I felt like I had nothing. I was a ship without an anchor.
Best Holistic Life Magazine: You faced this journey while living alone. What was that like—to be in such an intimate battle without a partner at home? And how did your friends and family rise to meet you in that space?
Geri Maroney: It was hard because I thought I had to be both my own coach and cheerleader. I have always been very independent and self-sufficient, and I have always kept my private life private. I didn’t ask for help; I was more of a “suck it up, buttercup” person, and I didn’t expect that mentality to be different through this journey.
But it was different. It had to be different. I learned very early in my journey that I had to let my guard down and be vulnerable. I couldn’t handle breast cancer alone; it was much too heavy. I had to be honest with my feelings and admit that I was terrified. I was reading a book by Brene Brown and loved her saying about vulnerability being our most accurate measure of courage. I realized that although I lived alone, I wasn’t ever really alone. I had a tribe of supporters, and all I had to do was ask for help. I had to allow myself to be vulnerable, so I handed over the “coach and cheerleader” roles to my family and friends. I could now just focus on myself. I felt relieved.
One thing that still bothered me a lot was that I was afraid that no one would love me again. Who wanted a partner with cancer? After my cancer treatments, I had a body full of scars, looked and felt like shit. Was I now unlovable? That added a new layer of worry to the picture. I was only 53, and now cancer was the end of my happiness?
I remember praying to my dad, who had died a few years earlier, to “please ask God to send me someone to take care of me. I’m not strong enough for this.” After a few days, I had a dream. It was my dad and I sitting face to face, and no one else was around. He told me ‘I’ve heard your prayers and I know you think God isn’t listening to you, but that’s just not the case. It hurts me to see you struggle so much when you have everything you need to get yourself through this dark storm. You don’t need someone to come and take care of you. You just need to take care of yourself. It’s time to get on with it. You deserve to be happy, and you must do this for yourself. No one can do it for you.” I didn’t even get a chance to speak. The dream was over. I was happy to have just seen my dad again. I felt his presence so strongly, and I knew he meant business. I felt scared to move forward, but I also felt a strange sense of strength that I’m sure came directly from heaven. I knew what had to be done. It was time to stand up and be brave.
I was a better person after that dream. I was better at laying down my shield and asking for help from others. It made all of us better, my circle of supporters and I. During a cancer journey, it’s hard on the individual, but it’s also hard on family and friends because they feel unsure of how to engage, and they may feel helpless in being able to make it “hurt less”. I knew they couldn’t take away the hurt, but I felt so much better knowing they were around when I needed them.
Best Holistic Life Magazine: Your book, Beautiful Lady, holds so much vulnerability and strength. What does that title mean to you now, after walking through the fire and coming out transformed?
Geri Maroney: I titled my book Beautiful Lady because of the artwork that was created by a special friend of mine, Lea Wells, who gave me this beautiful painting as I began my cancer journey. In the corner of the painting are the words “I shall be born again with a new face and an untried heart.” These words spoke to me then and remind me every day that after cancer, I was born again with a new perspective and a new level of courage and self-confidence.
When I started my cancer journey, I felt like there must be lessons I could learn from going through such a terrible journey. I had promised myself to keep an open heart and trust that things were happening as they were meant to be. The lessons I learned through my journey were gifts that I don’t believe I would have been open to receiving had I not been fighting through cancer.
A friend who had also gone through cancer told me things would be different once I received my diagnosis. She was right. When I was first diagnosed, I felt an immediate change in perspective. I felt like I was in a movie and had just stepped off the train onto the platform, and the bullet train of life was whizzing by. I felt left behind and abandoned. I was terrified, scared, and dreadfully sad.
But then, strange things started happening. I told you about my dad visiting me in a dream to give me a boost of courage. Then there was a stranger at the airport who struck up a conversation with me while we were on the train to catch separate flights. She was a lovely older lady who told me about how excited she was to be visiting her daughter. They hadn’t spoken in many years, and she was so happy to have finally reconciled with her. I’ll never forget this stranger. She touched my arm and told me, “Don’t let anger consume you, forgive yourself and forgive others.” It was like a lightning bolt to me. I was carrying anger that needed to be released. How did she know I needed that exact message that day?
Serendipitous things like these would make me smile and thank God for being with me. I was getting stronger. I wasn’t alone.
I wrote Beautiful Lady to lend support to others struggling with a cancer diagnosis and to offer hope as they work through the necessary steps of healing. I want them to know that the emotional trauma they may be feeling is common, and it will get better over time as long as the hard emotions are addressed and released. It’s not easy, but it won’t always be so hard.
Best Holistic Life Magazine: You’ve spoken about being the “fixer”—always quick to carry others’ pain. How did that role show up during your cancer journey, and when did you realize it was time to release it?
Geri Maroney: As I described earlier, I grew up with a plan. I knew early on exactly how I wanted things to go. If there was a problem, I would fix it. I would fix my problem, my friend’s problem, my kid’s problem; I was the Master Fixer. Even if they didn’t ask me to, I was there to find a solution. To be a successful business executive, you needed to be a “fixer”, and damn, I was really good at it! Find a problem and solve it. Over and over again. Some days I felt like a hockey goalie and NO pucks were getting by; I would stop them all.
This mentality took a toll. Looking back, I realized that I had always been the strong one, the shoulder for everyone to lean on. What I learned through my cancer journey was that I was carrying way too much baggage. I learned that I needed to stop doing that. I needed to start focusing on ME.
A very dear friend explained it to me this way: “God brings each of us into this world for our own individual spiritual journey that includes a variety of challenges meant to help teach that person lessons of strength and encouragement along the way. If you intervene and carry someone else’s burden, two things happen: 1) your bucket becomes overflowing with too many challenges, and 2) you rob that person of their own spiritual journey with God.”
This was amazing for me to hear. I finally understood that my desire to help sometimes interfered with other people’s own personal journeys. I thought I was just being helpful, but it turns out that my help wasn’t necessary and was preventing them from growing in their own ways. It was another serendipitous lesson that I learned along my journey.
So, from that day forward, I went from “Fixer” to “Really Good Listener!” It was time to take care of myself.
Best Holistic Life Magazine: Healing is more than medicine. What emotional patterns or old beliefs did you have to realign in order to fully step into recovery?
Geri Maroney: I learned that cancer is both physical and emotional. My doctors did a fine job of managing my physical journey, but no one talked about the “and then what” part of cancer.
When you are done with your medical treatment, people often think you are “done” with cancer. They would say, “Your treatment is over, why are you still feeling sad? Shouldn’t you be ‘over it’ by now?” Oh, no, that’s not how it works. For me, the emotional healing took longer than the physical healing.
Cancer warriors very often struggle with healing their emotions with little or no support. In many cases, many people bury their feelings and never really heal them at all. We try to push these dark feelings aside in hopes they will eventually just go away.
This isn’t right and needs to change. This is a large reason why I wrote Beautiful Lady. I wanted others to hear my stories and understand that their feelings mattered and that it is necessary to identify and heal the tough feelings that come with a cancer diagnosis. The medical industry needs to acknowledge that emotional recovery is just as necessary as physical recovery. They need to provide resources to help guide patients through this journey as well.
We know that after trauma, the fight or flight response gets stuck and can remain activated by keeping the body and mind on high alert. Over time, the brain and nervous system can begin to rewire in a way that keeps this high alert status active. If difficult emotions like fear and anger are not identified and released in a wholistic and healthy way, the trauma stays “stuck” and whole-body healing is not possible.
PTSD is a real thing for many cancer patients. For me, healing my emotions took longer than healing my body. Before cancer, I was a strong, confident, successful woman. After cancer, I was afraid of everything. I was particularly afraid of recurrence; I was afraid that if cancer came once, it might come again in the future.
Fear is a very powerful emotion. Journaling is an important tool for my emotional healing. I would very often wake up in the middle of the night with extreme emotions, and the only way through them was to write them down. I learned that writing MY STORY gave me power. I just wrote everything down, in whatever form it came. I didn’t care if it made sense or not; I just needed to get it out. By doing so, it gave me an outlet and a clear path to healing. The hard, scary feelings became easier to bear.
I also learned that I needed to grieve my past. Grieving the traumatic event of cancer and the “old Geri” was such an important step to healing. I hated everything about the “new Geri” because I hadn’t grieved what I had lost. I had to make friends with my body again. Our bodies feel our gratitude, so we must be kind. No more negative talk. Time to be more positive and grateful. I increased my commitment to gratitude by beginning a daily process of naming two things I was grateful for every day. Sometimes I could only think of two obvious ones, like: 1) I woke up, and 2) the sun was shining. But, over time, even those small acknowledgments made me feel better, and I could build on them. Soon, I could see that I had so much more to be grateful for, and I could look to my future with happiness and anticipation.
Best Holistic Life Magazine: The rediscovery part of your healing is so inspiring. What version of Geri did you find on the other side of cancer—maybe one who had been buried or hidden for years?
Geri Maroney: Oh gosh, the “rediscover” part of my journey was like crossing the finish line of a really long race. Remember, I said I had a plan? Well, when I was diagnosed, I realized that I had never created a Bucket List (I’d rather call it a Dream List). I had never thought about the places I wanted to see or the things I wanted to do. I was too busy getting through the day, executing the plan. But after my diagnosis, I changed that. I sat down with travel magazines and picked out a place I wanted to go. I deserved a reward after all that hard work!
The wine country of Italy was something I had always wanted to see, so I promised myself that once I was healed and felt strong enough to travel, I was going to Italy. Small problem, though, remember I said I had developed PTSD and was now afraid of nearly everything? And remember that I was single? I suddenly was terrified again. I reflected back on my dad’s words from my dream: “It’s time to get on with it. You deserve to be happy, and you must do this for yourself.” So, that was it, there were no more excuses, I was going to Italy for an entire month!
It was amazing. I rented a farmhouse in Sienna overlooking the vineyards and stayed in a studio apartment in Florence and had the time of my life. I did it and I was proud of myself.
But a solo trip to Italy might not be for everyone. The point is that the “Rediscovery” stage is about YOU. Remember back to what you used to love as a kid or young adult. What used to make you smile? If we learned one thing from the cancer journey, it is that there should be no more deferred dreams. The monotony of life tricks us into believing that we have forever – we can skip that trip this year or catch the next soccer game or dance recital. No, those thoughts should no longer be part of our mindset. Don’t skimp on your dreams.
Carpe diem, my Beautiful Lady!
Best Holistic Life Magazine: Fear doesn’t disappear after cancer ends—it morphs. What kind of fear lingered for you, and how have you learned to live with or rise above it?
Geri Maroney: That’s correct, fear doesn’t ever disappear; it only morphs. For me, my lingering fear was being lost. I would have dreams about being in a crowded place, not being able to find my girls. I had no phone, couldn’t speak the language, and couldn’t find my way to safety. I would wake up scared.
As I continued my journaling, I focused on this topic of being lost and eventually sorted out that my dream of being lost was guiding me to trust myself. After a cancer diagnosis, it’s hard to trust anything, but if I could trust ME, then I could start to rebuild my new life. If I could be true to myself and define my “new life”, then the fear could subside.
Recovering from cancer trauma doesn’t mean you forget the hardships and strong feelings – it means you heal through them. Face them. Name them. Forgive and release them. Then, begin again.
Best Holistic Life Magazine: For those still in the thick of it, what message would you offer to help them feel seen, held, and hopeful—even on their hardest days?
Geri Maroney: Be kind to yourself. Be your own best friend and let yourself be scared, sad, and mad, for as long as it takes. Allow yourself to work through your feelings so that you can begin to heal them. I learned that if I could name the feeling, I could find ways to reframe it so that it had less control over me. Reach out for help and speak to other cancer warriors for support.
There is no predefined timeline for this journey; it takes however long it takes, so be patient and give yourself time. Most of all, breathe. Just breathe. Take one baby step at a time, even if it feels like one step forward or two steps back. Soon, you’ll recognize that “hey, I’m doing it,” and you’ll begin to see your own hint of joy. Baby steps, every day, until you find what makes your heart sing.
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