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Building Momentum After Loss: NLP Techniques for Growing Through the Grief

May 1, 2025 by Scott Gates

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Building Momentum After Loss: NLP Techniques for Growing Through the Grief – Grief is one of the most profound emotions we experience, often leaving us feeling unmoored. For ex-military personnel and first responders, the structured environment they once thrived in can sometimes make the unpredictability of loss even more disorienting. Losing a family member is a life-altering event for every human being. We all share that, but it doesn’t have to be the end of your connection with them.

My father recently passed. My hero, friend, mentor, and the center of my world, family, is everything to me. Yet, his stories, joys, and laughter are a gift to me that I can carry forward; they were not taken from me. They still light up my world and those around me with joy, laughter, comfort, and wisdom.

Let me share some Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) techniques with you. These techniques are powerful tools that can empower you to reshape your new perspective in life and move forward, where you can celebrate the life of your loved one. Life goes on; let their memory become a part of YOUR journey.

The Nature of Grief: A Perspective Shift

First, let’s reframe your grief. Shift your focus from who you think you lost and, instead, embrace and celebrate what they gave you. Each memory, story, and shared laugh is a gift, a part of YOUR life’s tapestry. You don’t lose those when they’re gone. Rather than focusing on the absence and feeling of loss, NLP encourages you to focus on the abundance of what they’ve given you. Grief, while painful, is also an incredible opportunity for you to honor their life by fully committing to living yours. In our own way, we all have faced unimaginable challenges in service to others; you have the strength to face this, too.

Technique 1: Anchoring Positive States

Anchoring is a cornerstone NLP technique that helps you access positive emotions and states when needed. In the context of grieving, it can be a powerful tool to shift from despair to moments of joy and gratitude for the person who meant so much to you.

Here’s how you can use anchoring:
Choose a Memory That Brings Joy:

Close your eyes and think about a moment with your loved one that makes you smile. Family barbecues, holidays where their laugh filled the air, or a quiet moment when they were there for you that you still cherish. Heighten the Experience: Visualize the scene in vivid detail like an IMax movie in your mind. See their smile, hear their voice, and feel the warmth of that moment. Make the colors brighter, the sounds more precise, and the emotions stronger.

Anchor It Physically:

While immersed in this memory, press your thumb and forefinger together or place your hand over your heart. This physical gesture and movement becomes your “anchor.”

Repeat and Reinforce: Practice this technique regularly, reinforcing the anchor so it becomes second nature. Now, when you start feeling pulled towards and overwhelmed by grief, use that movement of your anchor to bring you back into that joyous state, reminding yourself of the joy they brought into your life.


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Technique 2: Reframing Loss as Legacy

Reframing is an NLP technique that shifts how you perceive and interpret events. When you can change your perspective, you can transform how you experience grief and grow from it. Let’s focus on the legacy your loved one left behind for YOU rather than their physical absence.

Try this exercise:
List Their Gifts:

Write down the qualities, lessons, and memories your loved one gave you. I ask my clients to tell stories on their phones using the voice recorder app like they were standing there with me, surrounded by friends. Like in anchoring, tell the story like a movie in your mind; your voice is the soundtrack. Perhaps they taught you resilience, shared a love of cooking, instilled a deep sense of humor, or remember that time you.

Connect Their Legacy to Your Life:

Listen back to it, hear the joy and fun in your voice. Then, reflect on how these gifts continue to shape your daily life. Their love of storytelling inspires you to share their tales with others, or their strength reminds you to persevere in tough times.

Shift the Narrative:

Listen to your words. When you hear yourself say, “I’ve lost them,” instead, make yourself “Reframe” that and say, “They’ve given me these incredible gifts.” Repetition will make this a permanent shift and transform your grief from a sense of loss into a sense of gratitude.

Celebrate Their Influence:

Think about ways to honor their legacy. It could be as simple as cooking their favorite recipe, telling their stories to your children, or taking up a hobby they loved.


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Embracing the Journey: Life Goes On

Loss is a part of the cycle of life, not the end of it. When I’m coaching ex-military or first responders, they understand that life’s mission doesn’t stop when things get hard. Your loved one’s life is a chapter in YOUR story, and the memories you shared can fuel the next steps in your journey or help you accomplish the mission you set out on together. Using these NLP techniques like anchoring and reframing, you’re not just surviving grief; you’re transforming it into something meaningful to you, and you grow from it.

Grief is not the end but a transformative journey that can lead to new perspectives and growth. It’s also vital to give yourself grace. Grieving doesn’t have five steps or a specified timeline, and your progress isn’t linear. What matters is that you keep moving forward, carrying their memory with you, not as a weight, but as a source of strength.


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A Call to Action: Celebrate Their Life

How will you celebrate the life of the person you’ve lost? Will you tell their stories at a family gathering? Laugh at the inside jokes only they would understand? You should take a quiet moment to thank them for the lessons they taught you. Their life was a gift, and their memory is a treasure. Use these NLP techniques to honor that gift and carry it forward. Remember, nothing was taken from you; it’s just the cycle of life, and it was your turn; we all go through this; let their legacy live on IN YOU. Share your stories, and take the first step toward building momentum in this next chapter of your journey.

So, how will you celebrate their life in yours?

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Filed Under: Scott Gates, Spotlight Tagged With: empowerment, expert, Financial Health, Financial Solutions, Health, Mindset, Wellness

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