Cool is Overrated: How a Boundary Brought Me Back to Myself – It’s something we all crave, whether we admit it or not. But here’s the twist: I didn’t fully realize until recently that you don’t find true belonging just by being invited somewhere, although invitations are nice!
You find belonging and connection by bringing your whole self into every room you’re in, and some days you’ll feel more energetic and other days you’ll be more observational. Both are OK; they are REAL. All of this starts within, especially for those who’ve ever felt like they’re too much, not enough, or somewhere in between: it starts with a boundary.
The Boundary No One Sees
You hear a lot about boundaries, focusing mainly on others: saying no, holding limits, and protecting our energy. What we don’t want, or things that aren’t working for us.
Here’s the mic drop moment: but what about the boundaries we need to set with ourselves? The quiet ones. The fierce ones.
The internal ones that say
- “I won’t contort myself to belong.”
- “I don’t need to be the loudest or the shiniest—just the truest.”
- “I choose presence over performance.”
These are the boundaries we create that change everything.
Belonging Isn’t a Room, It’s a Relationship
I recently attended an event in Beverly Hills for the exciting new start of Ageless Living Magazine publishing team, and to be honest, I wasn’t sure how I’d fit in with all the cool kids!
Why? On paper, it was a super fancy white party. Glossy. Full of status and show. A place where “cool” felt like currency.
I am NOT good at being cool—it never goes well! I have to be me or I fall. I get super uncomfortable and awkward with that “trying” energy. So I made a decision ahead of time: I wasn’t going to try to match the room. I wasn’t going to be anyone else.
I was going to match myself. I set an internal boundary and told myself, “I’m showing up as me. Fully. Unapologetically. Goofy, grounded, curious, and kind.”
This one choice shifted everything.
I didn’t just survive the event; I felt deeply connected to it. I had an amazing time! People were drawn in, not because I dazzled, but because I didn’t try to. I consistently heard, “Wow, you’re not from here, are you?” And their shoulders would suddenly relax, they’d look in my eyes, and I could see them stop looking around for who else was there. I think it helped because I randomly danced (I mean, why have a DJ there if you’re not going to enjoy it?)!
I let go of the pressure to perform or be anyone else, plus I released the ways I wanted to appear to others, and I didn’t mask my weird, my warmth, or my truth. And the connections that happened? That was magic.
Not because I blended in. But because I belonged to myself first. And I realized how hungry our internet-loving, social-media-watching society is for authentic connection and realism!
How Do You Create Belonging from Within?
Here’s the truth: belonging isn’t a vibe you chase or a club you’re finally cool enough to join. It’s a muscle you build through self-honoring.
And that muscle? Gets strengthened through internal boundaries. I WISH someone would’ve taught me how to use these statements when I was much younger and too busy trying to fit into groups I didn’t actually belong!
A few to try for yourself:
- “I will not abandon myself just to be accepted or cool.”
- “I will honor my full expression, even when I feel awkward. I’ll be whoever I am today.”
- “I will show up as myself, not a version I think people want.”
- “I will listen to the part of me that says, ‘this is enough.’”
Check Your Own Belonging Blueprint.
If you’ve ever left a room feeling more alone than when you walked in… Or smiled when you wanted to speak up… Or dulled your light to avoid standing out … Or avoided something because you didn’t know how to be …
Ask yourself:
Where am I still trying to be accepted instead of being authentic?
What internal boundary could protect my truth?
What does real belonging feel like in my body?
You Belong Where You Bring You
The next time you feel yourself start to shapeshift, take an InPower pause.
Take a breath.
Put your hands on your heart or your stomach (your power center).
And gently call yourself back.
Back to your truth.
Back to your quirks.
Back to your wholeness.
Because true belonging isn’t earned.
It’s embodied. It’s not about being “cool.”
It’s about being connected to yourself first and then to the world.
One Final Note
The places you’re meant to be in? They want the real you, the true you, with your messy stories, experiences, and background. They want the bright, bold breath of fresh air that is you. Or the insightful, thoughtful version of you.
But they’ll only find you when you decide to stop hiding.
So here’s your permission slip, beautiful soul:
- Set the boundary.
- Stay with yourself.
- Let them meet the magic of who you really are.
Because cool fades. But real? Real is unforgettable. Here’s to the real you sharing yourself with the world!
“Belonging matters. Here’s your permission slip: Set the boundary. Stay with yourself. Let others meet the magic of who you really are. Truly and authentically.” – Theresa Byrne
In Case No One Told You Today:
- You’re not too much.
- You’re not behind.
- And you’re definitely not broken.
Retriggering is a sign you’re human. And healing. If you need support, I offer sessions to help calm your nervous system.
So the next time an old (unwanted) pattern rears its gnarly head? Smile. Nod. And remind yourself, “I see you. We’ve met before. But I don’t hang out here anymore.” It’s handled with care. If you’re an empath, know you don’t have to suffer under the weight of the world. You can learn to hold space for others without losing yourself in the process. And that’s true empowerment.
BOOK YOUR ACTIVATION SESSION TODAY.
AND RELEASE SOMETHING THAT HOLDS YOU BACK!
- Connect with Theresa Byrne
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