Heal Your Heart: 3 Surprisingly Powerful Steps – “A true soulmate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet because they tear down your walls and smack you awake.” — Author of “Eat, Pray, Love,” Elizabeth Gilbert
Ah, February. Love is in the air. Love relationships often bring us our deepest joys and, at times, our most profound pain. At some point in our romantic lives, we all experience the heartache of thinking we have found our soulmate, only to lose them.
So, what is a soulmate, really?
The dictionary defines a soulmate as someone ideally suited to another in temperament or strongly resembling them in attitudes or beliefs. Elizabeth Gilbert offers an alternative perspective in her globally beloved 2006 bestseller. Rather than being a perfect fit, a soulmate reflects all the ways you may be holding yourself back—through your limitations, obstacles, addictions, or ego. Their purpose is to twist you up so deeply that you are forced into those tough love conversations with yourself. Then they vanish.
While Elizabeth believes a soulmate may be your most important relationship, thank God, they are not meant to last forever. “Nay! Too painful.”
When this happens, instead of mourning the loss, I invite you to consider finding a way to thank these people—even when it hurts.
Tough Soulmate Lesson
I have had two soulmate relationships in my life, and neither of them lasted. Each time, I found myself in deep emotional pain after the relationship ended, yet with time, I realized that their departures sparked significant personal growth.
One of these soulmates was a colleague with whom we shared everything—work, travel, ideas, even our taste in food. However, eventually, he moved on to another relationship without telling me. I found out when I saw him across a stadium arena, sitting cozily with someone else at a taping of a boxing match show for the production company we worked for (I am also a TV producer.) Like that, I was now in a cliché scene from a romantic comedy when the girl discovers the boy does not share her feelings about their relationship, and I was not laughing. I felt betrayed, embarrassed, and devastated by the person I thought had become my best friend and love interest. How ironic that this scene took place at a boxing match.
Both relationships motivated me to profound inward turns. When I got on the other side of my hurt, I realized their leaving was a blessing. It took them coming into my life and then going for me to work through what I wanted in a romantic partnership—that and in so many other significant areas of life. Had I stayed with either of these men, I would not have the life I love so much. So, if you love your life now, thank your soulmate for tearing open the space to realize it.
Detachment: A Path to Healing
When a soulmate leaves, it is easy to find yourself living at the bottom of an ice cream box, replaying a romanticized movie version of your life together in your head. It is understandable to do this for a while. Though, at some point, you have to rejoin the world again. Want to know how? You emotionally detach.
This may seem like a big, impossible step. It is big, though not impossible.
First, detaching, or detachment, does not mean closing off from love or pushing away emotions; rather, it is about releasing your heart and accepting that some relationships are just not meant to last.
Healthy Detachment in Three Steps
One. Accept Your Reality: As painful as it is, accept that they are gone and not coming back. There is no “maybe they will” or “what-if.” They came into your life to help you learn something about yourself and move on. So, you, too, must move on.
Two. Let go of blame and judgment: After a breakup, it is easy to jump on the blame train, feel like a victim, and keep cycling through the same judgments and complaints. While you may blame yourself for regrettable mistakes or truly have been a victim and justifiably upset, you have to let this go for your sake. Continuing to blame, judge and complain will not change the situation and will only keep you from living your life again.
Three. Growth and Gratitude: It might seem impossible to feel gratitude for someone who has hurt you, yet it may be the most healing gift you can give yourself. Gratitude does not mean condoning hurtful behavior or pretending the pain does not exist, ever. It is about acknowledging that the pain served a purpose—helping you evolve into a stronger, more self-aware person.
Moving Upward and Forward While heartbreak can be one of the deepest pits you will ever fall into, crawling out could be the most transformative. Healthy detachment allows you to emerge from the pain with a deeper understanding of yourself.
So, if you are tending to a broken heart, take a moment to reflect on what the relationship has taught you. And, in time, try to thank your soulmate—even when it still hurts.
“This is a good sign—having a broken heart. It means we have tried something,” Elizabeth Gilbert.
Part of this article is an excerpt from the book “Take a Shot at Happiness: How to Write, Direct & Produce the Life You Want,” voted “Best Personal Development Book of the Year 2024” by this magazine and is the recipient of the Silver Nautilus Book Award. It won the Wellbeing category at both the NYC Big Book Award and the National Indie Excellence Awards, where it was also a finalist in Personal Growth.
You can find more intentional practices in my book or by downloading my Take a Shot at Happiness app.
- Connect with Maria Baltazzi
- Read more features from Maria.
- Get Your Copy of “Take A Shot At Happiness” Best Holistic Life Magazine’s Personal Development Book of The Year!
- Access the Take A Shot At Happiness APP! It is amazing!