Independence, Fireworks, and the Quiet Work of Choosing Yourself
Karen Goslin, MSW, RSW, KG & Associates, Psychotherapist, Author of “Yellow Paint: Learning to Live Again,” (trademark owner of KG Accountable Therapy™, modernizing evidence-based theories for sustainable change).
Every Fourth of July, independence announces itself loudly. There are parades and flag-draped porches, backyard barbecues, and evening skies splashed with stunning fireworks. These public rituals matter. They are collective symbols of self-determination, shared history, and civic identity—reminders that freedom is something we hold together.
But independence also lives in much quieter places.
It shows up when someone decides to live alone for the first time. When a person leaves a relationship that no longer honors their wellbeing. When a woman realizes she is no longer waiting for permission—financial, emotional, or cultural—to build a life that fits her values. These moments may never be celebrated with fireworks, but they are no less consequential.
This Fourth of July, it’s worth widening our lens. Independence is not only a national ideal—it’s a psychological one. And when we look closely at personal autonomy, modern singlehood, and mental health, especially for women, a more nuanced and empowering story begins to emerge.
PUBLIC SPECTACLE, PRIVATE MEANING
Independence Day is communal by design. The fireworks are spectacle; the gatherings are ritual. Yet the holiday’s emphasis on togetherness can unintentionally obscure that independence is not simply about belonging to a nation. It’s also about having the emotional, financial, and psychological resources to make choices without coercion, fear, or dependency.
Autonomy takes many forms. Political independence lives in civic rights and participation. Financial independence intersects with wages, education, and access to resources. Emotional independence—perhaps the most complex—centers on the ability to enter and exit relationships in ways that protect one’s wellbeing while still allowing for connection.
True freedom is about choice.
And one of the most visible places this shift toward personal choice is showing up today is in how people—especially women—relate to singlehood.
SINGLE BY CHOICE – AND OFTEN HAPPIER FOR IT
For decades, cultural narratives framed single adults as incomplete, lonely, or waiting for their “real” lives to begin. But both consumer research and social science have been steadily dismantling those assumptions.
Researcher Mintel found that a significant proportion of single women report being satisfied—often highly satisfied—(more often than single men) with their relationship status. (Mintel, 2017) These findings sparked widespread discussion about gender expectations, emotional labor, and wellbeing.
A more recent study found that single women reported higher satisfaction with their overall lives, sexual lives, and relationship status than single men. (Hoan, 2024) Researchers point to several contributing factors: women’s stronger non-romantic social networks, increased financial independence, and shifting cultural norms around marriage and partnership.
Singlehood is not a failure. For many women, it’s a rational, healthy, and even joyful choice.
WHAT CONSUMER RESEARCH TELLS US – AND WHAT IT DOESN’T
From a business perspective, these trends matter. Consumer research firms track how single women spend their time and money. They often prioritize health, education, career development, travel, and financial autonomy. They invest in experiences, personal growth, and environments that support independence.
In response, we see more solo-travel offerings, single-friendly housing designs, and financial tools tailored to individual earners rather than couples.
But consumer research has limits. It can tell us what people buy, not how they feel when they’re alone or how supported they are when life gets hard.
What really matters is whether singlehood is chosen, supported, and resourced. When singlehood is involuntary, economically precarious, or socially isolated, mental-health outcomes look very different.
WHY HEALTHY AUTONOMY MATTERS
Psychological research consistently shows that autonomy is a basic human need. When people feel they have agency over meaningful life choices—where they live, how they work, whom they love—they report higher life satisfaction and greater resilience.
When autonomy is constrained—by poverty, discrimination, trauma, or unhealthy relationships—mental health suffers.
But autonomy does not mean ‘going it alone.’
In my work as a therapist, I use the term “interdependence” to describe healthy independence. Interdependence is the balance between self-reliance and connection—the ability to trust yourself and to rely on others appropriately. It allows for intimacy without enmeshment and independence without isolation.
I assess this balance early in therapy, because it often reveals how well earlier developmental needs—trust, control, and worthiness—were met.
- Over-dependence may stem from under-trusting oneself, lost control in key life moments, or developing a belief of unworthiness.
- Over-independence often emerges when others failed us, relied on us too heavily, or when we learned to equate worth with self-sufficiency at all costs.
Neither extreme allows us to flourish. Healing happens in the middle.
SUPPORTING YOUR MENTAL HEALTH THROUGH CONNECTION
If you notice an imbalance in your life—too much reliance on others, or none at all—small, intentional shifts can help.
Aim to engage socially at least once a week outside of work and home. As Brené Brown reminds us, we are wired for connection— “getting into the arena” to be seen and understood. Meaningful connection often requires sharing something real: a fear, a need, or a joy with someone who’s earned our vulnerability.
You might ask yourself these 7 important questions:
- When was the last time I did something just for fun, in the presence of others?
- What daily inner narratives keep me overly dependent or overly independent?
- How would I need to think differently in the moment to change those scripts?
- In my closest relationships, does the balance of giving and receiving feel mutual?
- What would I need to do differently to bring that into more balance?
- Where does over- or under-independence come from in my history?
- How do I need to reframe or correct those historical associations to free myself from overpersonalizing, overblaming, or overindulging dynamics that were actually attached to bigger stories, involving others, involving other generations?
Sometimes growth involves rewriting the past—releasing shame or blame where trust was broken, control was lost, or worth was diminished. Ask what you can give yourself now that others could not then, and what small action would reflect that new understanding. Hold yourself accountable for taking those actions daily.
CELEBRATING INDEPENDENCE WITH NUANCE
This Fourth of July, hold two truths at once.
Celebrate collective independence—the ideals of liberty, democratic participation, and shared heritage.
And, Honor your quieter freedoms, including:
- your right to live alone without stigma,
- your right to leave harmful relationships, and
- your right to shape a life around- meaningful work, empowering leisure, realistic thoughts, and a balance in current relationships and past experiences.
The fireworks will dazzle. The grills will sizzle. The rituals will bind us for an evening. But real in(ter)dependence will have lasting gifts for you, long after the meal is done and the lights in the sky fade, to awaken the light within you.
“Attention Single Ladies: There’s a new way to choose yourself! With 35 years in the field, I know about the power of interdependence, where there is a balance between trusting oneself and relying on others. Intimacy without enmeshment, independence without isolation.”
– Karen Goslin
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