Is it a want… Or need?
When my daughter was in grade school, I volunteered as a Junior Achievement Coach to teach the second-grade class the difference between Wants and Needs. Together, we learned that a brand-new video game was a WANT, whereas food was a NEED. They caught on quickly, and we had fun determining the correct category for all sorts of things.
It was a good lesson taught to a great group of bright shining stars.
Fast forward several decades: as I continued my recovery from breast cancer, I found myself reflecting on that lesson. Not so much in the context of choosing between a new video game or food, but more as it relates to the use of my time.
I have always been very independent and self-sufficient, and when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I was surprised at how quickly my self-esteem and confidence were completely demolished. I never expected to be as anxious and fearful as I was then. And I never expected it to last so long.
For me, the emotional challenges of my cancer diagnosis lingered well past the time spent in treatment. According to statistics, nearly 60% of breast cancer patients still suffer from post-traumatic stress symptoms at one year post-diagnosis. Fear of recurrence, anxieties regarding mortality, altered body image following surgery, changes in sexuality, and fears regarding the impact of diagnoses on immediate families can impact our well-being.
During my recovery, I learned a lot about the power of fear. I learned that fear can be a debilitating emotion if we don’t address it and find ways to offset it. It can turn into a phobia when the anticipation or anxiety is so great that it interferes with everyday life. I was so disappointed. Why didn’t the doctors tell me what to expect? Why did I have to find out on my own that this emotional healing was so difficult?
Turning back to the lesson taught to my precious second graders, let me ask you a question: Are you clear on the definition of a WANT vs. a NEED? Do you spend your day doing what you WANT to do or what you NEED to do?
As a former Junior Achievement Coach, I can say with certainty that self-care is a NEED. Focusing on ourselves is not selfish or self-centered. It is critical to our overall health. Self-care is an absolute necessity, and it serves as an antidote to stress, helping us cope better with day-to-day challenges.
No matter what phase of life you are in, with or without a cancer diagnosis, it is important to give yourself time for self-care each day so that you can maintain and improve your overall wellness. It doesn’t have to be complicated; it just must be focused on YOU and no one else.
Here are a few strategies that can kickstart your self-care program:
• Be real with how you feel. Self-confession is key. Don’t deny your feelings. Be honest with how you are feeling and don’t hold things inside. Embrace them and come to terms with the fact that sometimes we are all just a little out of control. Ask for help with whatever you need for however long you need it. Be your own best friend and be gentle with yourself.
• Find what brings you joy. Identify the activities that bring you joy and do them more often. No judgment and no pressure. If you want to take an entire day to read a book, then do it. If you want to take a long nap, then do it.
• Stop the fear response. Many times, we exaggerate how a situation MIGHT turn out. We create a story in our minds, and then we blow it up into something much bigger and scarier than it needs to be. Train your brain to accept that there is NO THREAT. You are safe, and it’s OK to switch off the fear response. You will soon realize that it’s the “fear of fear” that may be triggering you.
• Practice mindfulness. Put your focus on your emotions and accept them in a non-judgmental way. Don’t hang on so tight. Name the emotion, feel it, and then LET IT GO. By practicing mindfulness, we can train our awareness so that we become less distracted by our own thinking, which allows us to enjoy more of the little things that happen to us every day. We can learn to be more present and to see our lives with more clarity.
• Think positively and practice being grateful. Start your day by naming five things you are grateful for. When you have a grateful heart, it helps to tamp down the emotions of fear. Practicing gratefulness helps keep you grounded, which means you are in tune with what is happening around you. Be fully present to what is happening right now, not obsessed with the past or the future.
Make self-care a priority in your life. Remember, it’s a NEED and not just a WANT. Be strong and brave. You are a gift to this world. Go and shine brightly! Best wishes to you!
In her deeply personal book, Beautiful Lady, Geri Maroney courageously shares her cancer journey, offering hope and resilience to women facing similar challenges. With raw honesty and gentle humor, she provides inspiring insights and emotional tools to help patients navigate their transformative experience. Order your copy today.
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