Sacred Rebellion: 3 lessons to support a more authentic life – I remember booking a one-way ticket to Hawaii and thinking, “This is it. Things are finally coming together.” I had just landed a new job that seemed perfect. It came with a pay raise, and I could return to the Hawaiian Islands where I had previously lived. On top of all this, I was in a new relationship. It seemed so much better than the last—he was emotionally open and much more supportive of my goals…at least that’s how it started.
By the looks of it, the darkness of my past had subsided, and I could finally be happy. Fast forward four months. I was in paradise; everything around me was beautiful, and everything within me was on the verge of breaking down. Working over 60 hours a week, filling the gaps for a co-worker who unexpectedly quit, I quickly realized that the workplace was dysfunctional and lacked coherent leadership. My stress level was through the roof, making it hard to sleep and causing horrible acne and terrible headaches.
The days would bleed into each other, churning greater anxiety and dissatisfaction within me. A dull ache marched on in my heart and mind with every day that passed. To make matters worse, the new boyfriend I was so hopeful about cheated on me and then blamed me for it. “You’re too ambitious,” he said coldly through the phone as he broke the news to me. “You chose your career over me,” he continued, justifying his infidelity.
To say I was angry is an understatement. I was deeply hurt and confused. “How did I get here?” I pled to the sky at that moment. “Why me?! I’ve done everything right!” That was it. That, unbeknownst to me at the time, was the source of my problems—the unfaithful boyfriend and job disappointment. They were a product of the same underlying issue: I had always followed the rules.
I had always done the right thing: Go to a reputable school. Get good grades. Get an impressive job. Get a master’s degree. Get a better job. Find a man. And never let people see you struggle in the process. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. However, at no point did I ever do what was right for me.
Lesson #1: Your Job Isn’t to Please Your Parents, It’s to Evolve The unraveling of my meticulously planned life, filled with high achievements and perfect behavior, was a turning point. Over several years, I came to realize that in my quest to become “somebody,” I had lost myself.
Always striving to meet my parents’ expectations and conform to societal norms, I erased essential parts of myself and silenced my inner voice. When you lose your inner voice, you lose your ability to create, love, and be courageous.
Rejecting your true self, as I did for years, leads to an inauthentic life. It prevents personal growth and traps you in the same patterns, generation after generation. This is why daughters, mothers, and grandmothers can struggle with the same issues and feel bound by them.
“It takes courage to grow up and be who you really are.” — e.e. cummings
Lesson #2: Trust Yourself More. Losing your voice means losing contact with your essence, your soul. We often let this happen to avoid painful rejection from those we care about. Staying ordinary and living predictably according to the rules satisfies a primal need for community and safety.
However, a “safe” life prevents you from creating true emotional security through an authentic identity filled with meaningful connections and joy. Instead of trying to silence the fear of rejection, invite courage to trust yourself more. This journey is called Sacred Rebellion.
Contrary to what we’ve been taught, rebellion is not only appropriate at times but essential for our growth. Women, in particular, have been conditioned to believe that being rebellious doesn’t fit the archetype of a “good” woman. So, when dissatisfaction arises, we try to erase it rather than navigate through it.
But what if rebellion were a useful guide to understanding yourself more fully and creating authentic joy? When you rebel against expectations, they no longer control your decisions. You might find yourself quitting a job or leaving a relationship you’ve always known wasn’t right because you’re listening to what is right for you rather than what looks right to others.
While the freedom to choose for yourself can be scary, it is the path to building a truly fulfilling and free life. It’s worth following above all else.
Lesson #3: The Answers Live Within You We often search externally for answers to our biggest life questions: Should I marry him? Should I take this job? But all the while, our inner voice speaks loud and clear. There’s a pathway to connect with that voice, one where you go inward and rediscover the clarity that’s been lost.
Here are a few questions to help you start listening to your inner voice:
- What makes me feel alive?
- If I were completely free, what would I do?
- When was a time that I trusted my inner voice, and it worked out well?
Dive deeper into these lessons and more inside Parinaz’s podcast episode, Sacred Rebellion. Take the first step toward reconnecting with your inner voice and living a life that’s truly yours.
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