Spring Clean the Thoughts That Disturb You
“April showers bring May flowers.” Another way to look at this is, “April reflection brings May perception.” Around this time of year, we are thinking about spring cleaning our homes and offices. While you sort through closets and clear out clutter, there is another kind of cleaning worth noticing—one that happens in how you think and react.
The last time you were upset with someone, did you stop to consider the real reason why you were angry? So often, it is not what you are saying in the heat of the moment; it is something that lies beneath the surface.
When you are upset, it is always linked to a reason, a cause. That reason becomes the catalyst for churning up the calm that would otherwise exist inside you. What is going on inside is an emotional reaction that triggers a physiological response based on your perception of a situation, usually informed by past experiences. You see a circumstance, an event, or a person as an obstacle obstructing your peace, and then getting articulated in the form of “I am upset because…”
“I am upset because they showed up late.”
“I am upset because my partner spends too much money.”
“I am upset because my boyfriend broke up with me.”
“I am upset because I do not have enough time to do everything.”
“I am upset because (fill in the blank).”
Saying “I am upset because” is you calling out grievances and directing them to someone or something outside yourself. How you relate to someone showing up late for an appointment, the number of bills in your wallet, rejection from a romantic date, or demands on your time all point to outward scenarios instead of inward, where you should be looking.
One way to reflect on what or who disturbs your peace is to see them as a shining light on unresolved internal issues. Realize that much of the time, what you are upset at and blaming the outside world for is really about you.
When you blame things outside yourself and hang onto your grievances, you darken the light of the peace within. It is like keeping the lens cap on your camera, preventing you from seeing through your viewfinder. Holding onto an upset may also cause you to want to fix or change a situation that is disturbing you, which is external and could be impossible to change. Yet, your only absolute control resides within you. You can change how you relate to a situation.
How you relate to the issue is the issue.
The invitation is to use these situations of upset as opportunities to heal or learn and grow from them. Use your “I am upset because” to investigate why you are really upset. Get underneath the statement to discover the root cause of your feelings. Ask yourself these questions inspired by spiritual teacher Byron Katie’s book Loving What Is:
- One, is your “I am upset because” statement beyond a doubt true?
- Two, what irrefutable evidence do you have that statement is true?
- Three, where in your life could you be doing the same thing that is upsetting you now?
- Four, being completely honest with yourself, is this something you need to clean up with yourself?
- Now, reframe your “I am upset because” statement. Make the same statement, relating it to what you need to clean up.
When someone annoys you because they are late, say to yourself, “I am upset because I am often late and need to clean that up with myself.”
When someone shows financial irresponsibility, say to yourself, “I am upset because I act irresponsibly with my money and need to clean that up with myself.”
When someone backs out of a relationship you want with them, say, “I am upset because I am choosing relationships that are not right for me and need to clean that up with myself.”
When someone misuses time and it affects you, say, “I am upset because I do not set time boundaries well and need to clean that up with myself.”
Take responsibility for yourself, look at what is mirrored back to you, and the charge you give a situation. So, when you say “I am upset because” realize that one upset may be impacting not only your inner peace. It could be one or more other aspects of your happiness that need some love.
A Mind and Heart Spring Cleanse
This month, treat your thoughts the way you treat your home during spring cleaning. Notice one recurring “I am upset because” that keeps showing up. Write it down. Sit with it long enough to see what it is pointing back to in you.
You do not need to fix everything at once. One small shift in perception can restore a surprising amount of peace. April has a way of revealing what is ready to be cleared so something new can blossom.
This article includes an excerpt from my debut book, “Take a Shot at Happiness: How to Write, Direct & Produce the Life You Want,” which reached Amazon’s #1 Bestseller list in the Creativity Self-Help category and was an Eric Hoffer Literary Award Finalist. It was voted “Best Personal Development Book of the Year 2024” and received the “2025 Leader of the Year” award from this magazine. The book has won thirteen prestigious awards, including the Silver Nautilus Book Award and multiple category honors from the NYC Big Book Awards, National Indie Excellence Awards, Best Book Award, and the Independent Press Award. It was also featured in Times Square, New York.
“When you blame things outside yourself and hang onto your grievances, you darken the light of the peace within.”
-Maria Baltazzi, PhD, MFA
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