The Lie of Perfect: Why Chasing It Will Break You – We’re All F*cked Up (And That’s Exactly What Makes Us Human)
By Dr. Cali Estes, The Battery Recharger™
Here’s the truth no one wants to admit: we’re all f*cked up. Every last one of us.
You. Me. The CEO who pretends he has it all together. The Instagram mom with perfect filters. The neighbor who never misses a spin class. Scratch beneath the surface and you’ll find it—trauma, fear, bad decisions, addictions, insecurities, and regrets.
Some people hide it better than others, but nobody gets through this life unscathed. The sooner we admit that, the freer we become.
The Lie of “Perfect”
Society sells us the myth that if you just hustle hard enough, eat clean enough, meditate long enough, or buy the right supplements, you’ll somehow transcend being human. You’ll reach this magical state of perfection.
Spoiler alert: perfect doesn’t exist.
And chasing it is what leaves so many people burnt out, anxious, or drowning in shame. Because deep down, we know we’re flawed. We’ve made mistakes. We’ve hurt people. We’ve sabotaged ourselves. And instead of owning it, we bury it under filters, titles, money, or substances.
But imperfection isn’t a curse. It’s the universal bond we share.
My Mess, My Mirror
I’ve been homeless twice. I’ve made choices I wasn’t proud of. I’ve loved people I couldn’t save. I’ve failed, stumbled, and gotten back up more times than I can count.
And you know what? That’s where my power came from. Not from pretending I had it all together, but from owning my mess and learning how to alchemize it into something useful.
That’s how I built two global companies—The Addictions Academy and Sober On Demand®. That’s how I became “The Battery Recharger™” for CEOs, celebrities, and athletes. Not because I was flawless, but because I understood that everyone—no matter how shiny their life looks—is f*cked up in their own way.
Why Admitting It Matters
When we say “I’m fine” while falling apart, we rob ourselves of the chance to connect. Vulnerability is what makes people lean in. Perfection makes people scroll past.
Think about it: when was the last time you felt close to someone because they bragged about their perfect life? Probably never. But the moment someone says, “Yeah, I’m struggling with this too,” walls come down. We see each other as humans.
Admitting we’re f*cked up doesn’t mean we’re broken beyond repair. It means we’re real. And real is where change starts.
The Different Flavors of F*cked Up
Not all struggles look the same. Some people are numb with alcohol. Others have endless work. Some hide behind Botox and fillers, while others drown themselves in online shopping or toxic relationships.
Different coping mechanisms, same root: we’re trying to fill a hole. We’re trying to outrun our pain.
But here’s the kicker—you can’t outrun yourself. Wherever you go, there you are. The only way out is through.
How to Unf*ck Yourself
I teach my clients that awareness is power. You don’t need to fix everything overnight. You just need to start. Here’s the roadmap:
Own Your Mess: Stop pretending you’ve got it all together. Call it what it is. Say it out loud. “I’m struggling.” “I need help.” “I can’t do this alone.” That’s strength, not weakness.
Audit Your Patterns: What’s your drug of choice? Work? Drama? Junk food? Chaos? Once you spot the pattern, you can interrupt it.
Shift Your Energy: You can’t change your life from the same mindset that created the mess. Reset your nervous system—through movement, nutrition, breathwork, therapy, or biohacking. Recharge your battery so you can see clearly.
Find Your People: Healing doesn’t happen in isolation. Surround yourself with others who are real, not perfect. Community cracks the armor shame hides behind.
Use Your Mess as Medicine: Your story isn’t something to hide—it’s your superpower. Every scar, every stumble becomes the fuel you use to help others rise.
The Freedom in F*cked Up
Here’s the wild thing: once you accept that you’re f*cked up, life actually gets easier.
- You stop competing in the game of appearances.
- You stop hustling for worthiness.
- You stop wasting energy hiding your scars.
Instead, you step into truth. And truth is magnetic. Truth is freeing. Truth is the foundation of resilience.
Why I’m Telling You This
Because I want you to know that nothing disqualifies you from building a badass, beautiful, abundant life. Not your past. Not your addictions. Not your mistakes. Not your failures.
If I can go from rock bottom—homeless, broke, and lost—to creating multi-seven-figure companies, helping thousands of people, and living with freedom, then so can you.
Not because I’m special. But because I stopped pretending and started being real.
Final Word
We’re all f*cked up. That’s not a defect—it’s the design.
Our flaws, our failures, our chaos—they’re what connect us. They’re what shape us. They’re what make us unstoppable once we stop hiding them.
So here’s my invitation: embrace your mess. Stop chasing perfect. Stop pretending. Step into the raw, unfiltered, f*cked up truth of who you are.
Because the moment you do? You’ll discover that the thing you thought made you weak is actually the thing that makes you powerful.
Dr. Cali Estes is a holistic psychologist, addiction specialist, and founder of The Addictions Coach. She helps people naturally boost dopamine, overcome vices like sugar, alcohol, and drug addiction, and become the best version of themselves—body, mind, and spirit. Through coaching, mindset work, and holistic wellness tools, she empowers others to live with clarity, energy, and purpose. Learn more at TheAddictionsCoachOnline.com.
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