“Healing began when I stopped talking about cancer and started choosing myself again.“
As cancer survivors, we will always have two lives: one before cancer and one after.
Reminiscing about the “good old days” can be both a blessing and a curse. We think about what it felt like to have our old bodies, our old sense of humor, and our old lighthearted spirit. Those thoughts can make us both happy and sad. But the hard truth is – things are different now.
But that doesn’t mean life will never get better. As a matter of fact, life after cancer can be bigger and better than it ever was.
When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, a fellow breast cancer warrior and dear friend told me that after my diagnosis it would feel like my world stopped and that everyone else around me kept going.
She was right. There was an almost immediate change in perspective. Things that were muddled and unclear the day before cancer were now much clearer.
I knew what was important and what wasn’t. There was no longer any internal debate. I could let go of most of the little stuff I worried so much about just days earlier. Now, none of that mattered. That was a feeling I had never experienced in my life. So much weigh had been lifted, only to be exchanged for a much heavier weight – that of the emotional trauma of my cancer diagnosis.
I felt abandoned and left behind.
I also noticed that all anyone wanted to talk about was cancer. My cancer, their friend’s cancer, their mom’s cancer, a sister’s cancer, a breakthrough they just read about, what I should eat, what I shouldn’t eat, a new exercise that was supposed to prevent cancer. It went on and on. Trust me, I would have done anything. I would have stood on my head in the middle of moving traffic if there were a way to make my cancer go away. I felt like I was drowning, and I needed to take back some amount of control. I needed to stand up to cancer.
I learned that I had a choice. I could either stay in the darkness of fear and blame, or I could make a change and see what it felt like to think differently. I decided to make the change.
I remembered the day it happened.
I felt like I had just put on a new pair of glasses that allowed me to see things so differently than I had before. When I shifted my perspective, I could see that things really were different. I learned that blaming myself for my own cancer diagnosis was keeping me in the “victim” category, which was exactly where I was not willing to be. I was not going to be a victim of my diagnosis.
It was time to stand up and face the anxiety and fear head-on and step into a place of greater freedom. It was time for me to embrace my new reality in a way that would bring me excitement and joy. It was time for growth. Time to embrace the freedom to think in new ways. It was time to be the new me!
So, starting that day, I invented a new holiday. It was called Cancer-Free Day.
On Cancer-Free Day, there was no talk of cancer. I decided which day each week I would celebrate this newfound holiday, and my family and friends had to oblige.
On this day, I would enter my “self-preservation zone”. I needed a break from it all. I needed to feel like the old me, like I felt before cancer. I would try not to think about cancer; no one in my world was allowed to ask me about cancer on that day. I could go back to being “normal”. I could be ME and just do whatever I wanted. I did not have to be a “breast cancer patient”. My family understood and supported my new holiday.
On Cancer-Free Day, I would stay away from social media. I would get outside and enjoy simple things like a walk along the lake, or gardening, or just sitting on the patio listening to the beautiful birds. It was a day to have a nice, long lunch outside on the patio with dear friends. It was movie day. It was shopping day. It was ski day. It was “anything I wanted it to be” day.
It turned out to be one of my best inventions!
This one day helped me rebalance and catch my breath. It helped me fill my cup with strength and courage to plow through the days ahead. It helped me move away from the fixed mindset I had so strongly embraced to a growth mindset that helped me dream about what was to come. What would my life after cancer look like? It could be anything I wanted it to be.
Cancer would not define me.
If you are struggling with a cancer diagnosis, I hope that you will embrace Cancer-Free Day and give yourself the opportunity to set aside the hard part of cancer and remember what it feels like to smile, laugh, and dream of a better day. Take a break from the hard part and just enjoy 24 hours of peace.
Do this every week. You deserve the break. Declare your own Cancer-Free Day!
“I stopped letting cancer be the conversation and started letting life be the answer.”
– Geri Maroney
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