Burn The Rulebook: Redefine What Success Means In The New Year – With the year ending, the pressure to set goals that look impressive to other people starts. Everyone will ask about your resolutions, expecting you to recite the same tired list: lose weight, find the love of your life, make more money, get promoted. What if this entire approach is backwards?
What if the reason most people abandon their goals by February is not lack of willpower but because they are chasing someone else’s definition of success? You have been following a rulebook written by people who do not know your values, your circumstances, or your dreams. It is time to burn that rulebook and write your own.
Success Has No Universal Formula
Society sells you a one-size-fits-all version of success: climb the corporate ladder, accumulate wealth, buy bigger houses, create the perfect family… You know what I am talking about. The problem is, this formula promises happiness but delivers exhaustion.
Don’t get me wrong, these goals are not wrong, but they might be completely wrong for you. When you chase external validation instead of internal fulfillment, you end up achieving things that do not actually improve your life.
Consider the executive who gets the corner office but loses their health. The entrepreneur who builds a million-dollar business but destroys their relationships. They followed the rulebook perfectly and ended up miserable. The truth is, success looks different for everyone, and that is exactly how it should be. For some people, success means building an empire and changing industries. For others, it means mastering a craft or creating something beautiful. Some find success in deep relationships, others in financial freedom, and many in combinations that would confuse the outside world.
Why You Feel Stuck
Your brain is wired to keep you safe. When you consider goals that deviate from social norms, your brain triggers anxiety as a warning signal. This mechanism keeps you trapped pursuing goals that feel safe but leave you sometimes unfulfilled. Your brain cannot distinguish between physical danger and social disapproval, so it treats both as threats to avoid.
Understanding this helps you recognize that anxiety about unconventional goals or stepping out of your comfort zone is not intuition telling you to stop. It is just your brain doing its job. You can acknowledge the anxiety and pursue your goals anyway.
Another issue that makes you feel stuck is building your identity around achievements rather than values. And most of us fall into that trap. You become “the successful lawyer” or “the devoted parent,” and these labels start dictating your choices. The issue is, when your identity depends on external achievements, you lose the flexibility to redefine success.
This creates what psychologists call “identity foreclosure,” where you commit to a path early and stop exploring other possibilities. You might continue pursuing law because you are “the lawyer in the family,” even if you hate it.
Breaking free requires separating your worth from your achievements.
Ask yourself: if you stripped away all your titles and accomplishments, what would still matter to you? Those underlying values should drive your definition of success.
Identify Your Authentic Goals and Create Your Personal Success Framework.
Authentic goals come from internal motivation rather than external pressure. Research shows this leads to greater satisfaction and sustained effort. When goals align with your genuine interests, you experience less resistance and more energy.
These goals usually feel energizing when you think about them, and you naturally want to learn more about them. Pay attention to what you do when no one is watching. What topics do you research in your free time? What activities make you lose track of time? What problems do you naturally notice and want to solve? These patterns reveal your genuine interests.
Once you identify your current goals, audit them. Ask yourself, “Am I pursuing this because I genuinely want it, or because I think I should want it?” Notice the difference in your body’s response. Genuine goals create excitement, while “should” goals create tension.
Identify your core values and write your personal definition of success in specific terms. Instead of “be happy,” write “feel energized by my work.” Instead of “have good relationships,” write “spend quality time with people who accept the real me.”
Implementing Your Success
Your subconscious mind will resist changes that threaten your current identity, so change the script. For example, if your goal is financial independence but you identify as “bad with money,” start calling yourself “someone learning to manage money well.”
Create implementation intentions by deciding in advance how you will handle obstacles and track your progress. If your goal is creative fulfillment, record every creative act you undertake. This evidence helps your brain accept the new version of yourself.
Once you overcome the self-sabotage, be aware of your need for approval. You cannot and should not please everyone. Practice: make decisions without consulting everyone you usually ask. This is your life, your goals, and your success.
We are in December, and it is time to design goals that energize you, align with your values, and fit your unique circumstances.
Need help clarifying your authentic definition of success? Let’s talk. Scan the QR code below to receive a complimentary 30-minute session, and we can explore what fulfillment looks like for your specific situation. Remember! The goals that scare and excite you simultaneously are usually pointing toward your authentic path.
“Success is not about becoming someone else’s version of perfect. It is about becoming the fullest expression of who you already are.” – Nathalie Botros
Let’s Find Your Harmony
If September feels like pressure instead of possibility, that’s your sign. You don’t need to quit your life to escape burnout. You need to build harmony inside it. Harmony between who you are, what you want, and how you live each day.
That’s the work I do with my clients. We don’t chase balance. We create harmony across every area. Self. Relationships. Work. Joy. We rewrite the way life feels.
If you are struggling to start the season strong, let’s talk. Scan the QR code and access my gifts and book your happiness discovery call.
Remember. Happy people don’t burn out. They recharge. They realign. They rise. And so will you.
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