Forgive and Free Yourself in 6 Steps – Forgiveness is something we often think we know how to do. We understand its importance, especially in the context of relationships. However, what if there were ways to approach forgiveness that are less about obligation and more about freedom? After reflecting on the transformative power of gratitude last month, I want to shift to forgiveness—the other side of it. Think of forgiveness as another word for freedom—freedom from past hurts that allows opening a new chapter.
Here are six ways to see forgiveness in a way that genuinely supports your inner peace.
Start with Self-Forgiveness
The most important act of forgiveness is directed inward. Ask: have you forgiven yourself for the mistakes or choices you regret? What could it look like to let go of self-blame and release those feelings of guilt or shame?
Offer yourself the same kindness and compassion you give others. Self-forgiveness is about recognizing your humanity, not excusing your past actions. Embrace these moments as opportunities to grow. Doing this frees up emotional space to move forward.
Acknowledge the Gifts in Your Pain
We all know how easy it is to see struggles as moments you wish never happened. However, consider how painful, embarrassing, and hurtful moments have shaped you into the person you are today. When you reflect on your hardships as learning experiences rather than burdens, forgiving becomes easier. The hold that today’s resentment has on you becomes tomorrow’s wisdom.
Forgive for Your Peace, Not for Others
Forgiveness is often seen as a gift to the person who hurt you. It is truly a gift to yourself. The act of forgiving is a release, not an excuse. Consider writing a letter to the person who has wronged you, but do not send it. Use it to express everything you have held inside. Write it from a place of letting go rather than seeking validation or closure from the other person.
This letter is not about fixing the past; it is about creating room for your healing. Reclaim your emotional energy, which has likely been consumed by the resentment you have been harboring.
Create a Personal Forgiveness Ritual
This writing practice is slightly different from the one I mentioned earlier. Write down whatever in life has hurt you, then symbolically release it—tear up the paper or burn it in a safe space. Rituals help make the process of forgiving tangible and create a sense of finality in your choice to let go. Do this practice when you feel overwhelmed by past wounds to create a mental and emotional reset.
Practice Forgiveness through Visualization.
See yourself letting go of small annoyances and irritations, choosing to respond with patience and empathy rather than anger or frustration. Make this a part of your daily routine. The more you envision yourself forgiving, the more natural it becomes to release negativity and approach life with greater compassion.
Be Willing to Let Go of Expectations
This is a hard one for many of us—letting go of the expectation of an apology, closure, or a changed person. Accept and make peace with the fact that this may never happen. The other person might not be open to it or may no longer be around.
Forgiveness is not about waiting for someone to set things right. It is about giving yourself permission to move on, regardless of the outcome. Let go of the need for things to be “fixed.” True forgiveness is about your freedom, not about controlling others. When you stop waiting for an ideal outcome, you begin to experience peace in your own heart.
Part of this article is an excerpt from one of my upcoming books.
My debut book, “Take a Shot at Happiness: How to Write, Direct & Produce the Life You Want,” reached Amazon’s #1 Bestseller list in the Creativity Self-Help category. It was voted “Best Personal Development Book of the Year 2024” and received the “2025 Leader of the Year” award from this magazine. The book has won twelve prestigious awards, including the Silver Nautilus Book Award and numerous category-winning honors from the NYC Big Book Awards, National Indie Excellence Awards, Best Book Award, and the Independent Press Award. It was also featured in New York’s Times Square.
You can find more intentional practices in my book or by downloading my Take a Shot at Happiness app.
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