How Gratitude Heals the Pain of Rejection: 5 Proven Strategies – The pain felt like a knife that glowed electric orange with unbearably hot heat as it seared through my heart. My breath was shallow as I rocked my tightly wound body, trying to comfort myself. Maybe I will feel better if I go outside and walk, get out into nature. That is it; go outside. I know from my studies in wellbeing and experience that getting outside will uplift my mood.
As I put one foot in front of the other, I felt my chest expand as air filled it. My shoulders dropped from practically touching my ears to a comfortable resting place. My brow unfurrowed. I followed the dirt path through tall pine trees, smelling the earth mixed with the crisp air. I felt my mood lighten. A smile even graced my face.
And my thoughts and felt sensations?
Oddly, at that moment, I was actually starting to feel grateful. I felt grateful that the pain of a broken heart was causing me to do some very serious self-reflection, causing me to realize that I was pretty cool and if some guy did not think I was all that. Well, then, he is not my guy, and why the heck would I want to be with someone who did not value me? So, in fact, this guy who caused my heart so much pain did me a favor by rejecting me.
It also got me thinking about how rejection and gratitude can be intimately intertwined. Feelings of gratitude can be the soothing balm that heals wounds if you can shift your focus to allow yourself to feel something other than pain, even for a moment.
Gratitude, the Antidote to the Pain of Rejection
We are grateful when we appreciate what we have – a great career, wonderful friends, a loving significant other. However, when we do not have these things we feel the opposite – pain and oftentimes rejection. You did not get the job, accepted into the cool kids’ club, got dumped by your lover. “Ouwie” to any of these kinds of scenarios.
Gratitude is a positive emotion that savors the good things in life and appreciates what is working and your value, which is what I did when I was walking through the tall pine trees. I managed to give myself the space to make mental notes about things I value about myself. It eased the emotional pain I was feeling. Candidly, it did not fix all of my hurt. There was still more crying and reconciling to do. However, it did start me on a healing path, and I felt much better at that moment. That is what having an attitude of gratitude can do during moments of painful rejection. It can help minimize it and maybe even create a positive memory for later.
Five Ways Gratitude Can Help Heal Rejection
Shifts Perspective
• By focusing on what one still has, your worth, and the lessons learned, the sting of rejection can transform a negative experience into an opportunity for growth.
• Practicing gratitude enables you to notice the positives in life, even when rejected, which can make these moments feel less overwhelming.
Builds Resilience
• Regularly practicing gratitude creates a sense of inner strength that can help you bounce back more quickly from rejection.
• Gratitude gives you a more optimistic outlook overall, which can help you see hurts as temporary setbacks rather than defining moments.
Enhances Self-Worth
• Focusing on what you are grateful for keeps your value and worth present despite rejection.
• Being grateful and compassionate toward yourself can reduce negative self-talk and self-criticism that often happens when you feel rejected.
Promotes Mental Health
• Gratitude reduces anxiety and stress, which can help soften rejection.
• Overall happiness levels get a boost from being grateful, which can offset the negative emotions that come with rejection.
Motivates Next Steps
• Gratitude can help you see rejection as an opportunity for personal growth and self-improvement.
• You can appreciate the lessons learned from the experience of being rejected, creating a mindset for continuous learning.
Taking Action
• Journaling: Keep a daily gratitude journal, making it a habit to note three things you are grateful for. Do this, especially when feeling rejected.
• Mindfulness: Use this and meditation practices focused on gratitude to help shift away from rejection and towards the positive aspects of life.
• Reflect: Start and keep a running list of the attributes you value about yourself. Visit this list on a regular basis.
Gratitude can transform painful hurts into openings to grow and rejection into thanksgiving.
This article is an excerpt from the next book I am writing as part of my “Take a Shot at Happiness: How to Write, Direct & Produce the Life You Want” series. The first book in this series was voted “Best Personal Development Book of the Year” by this magazine and is the recipient of the Silver Nautilus Book Award 2024, which recognizes books that promote spiritual growth, conscious living, and high-level wellness. Also recognized by National Indie Excellence Awards in two categories: Wellbeing Winner and Personal Growth Finalist.
Sources: Spend Time in Nature to Reduce Stress and Anxiety https://www.heart.org/en/healthy-living/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/spend-time-in-nature-to-reduce-stress-and-anxiety The Neuroscience of Gratitude and Effects on the Brain https://positivepsychology.com/neuroscience-of-gratitude/
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