The One Secret Your Mama Didn’t Tell You About Fixing Your Messy Life – Do you know how messy I am? I’m not talking about the dishes in my sink or the laundry that still needs to be folded, or even my car sitting in the garage in desperate need of a wash. The kind of messy that I’m talking about is my messiness as a human being.
A few years back, I would’ve cringed to admit that. Just the thought of not showing up as the put-together person with everything under control was unbearable. Sure, I secretly knew I was messy, but I could never let anyone else know that, right?
Many times, I half-joke about being a recovering perfectionist. From adolescence to adulthood, I viewed myself as an overall failure.
I allowed my beliefs about myself to keep me trapped in an unending merry-go-round of shame and self-ridicule. I’d try, fail, beat myself up, try again, rely on other people’s praise for validation and proof of self-worth, and if that didn’t happen, in my mind that meant I failed. I thought if I could project perfectly, I was put together and prove my worth as a person.
I’d like to say that I’m a recovered perfectionist, past tense, but I can’t. Sometimes I still catch myself thinking it’s better to be perfect, look perfect, and produce perfect results rather than be the messy human being that I really am. Then I learned something life-changing for me.
The other day I took my daughter to the doctor.
Right before we had to leave, I was asked to jump on a call and was blindsided by the conversation. I ended the call without minutes to spare and I was frazzled and feeling quite betrayed. We went to the doctor and got it taken care of, however, later my husband told me that my daughter asked him if I was mad because I had to take her to the doctor. I had no idea I was showing up that way around her! My frustration from the call bled into the appointment and my poor daughter was caught in the wake of it.
I try to be a loving, caring, thoughtful mother, but some days, and sometimes without even knowing it, I show up differently. This is what I call being messy. We’ve either said or done something that we wouldn’t be proud of afterward.
- When I ate more than I planned, that’s me being messy.
- When I missed my alarm and my son was late for school, me being messy.
- When I said something that came out wrong or cut off a car I didn’t see… messy.
And this my opinion based on how I want my higher self showing up. You get to decide what your messy is in consideration to who you see your higher self as.
Did your momma ever tell you that you’re supposed to be messy?
That’s right! The one thing I didn’t know growing up is that I’m 50% a mess and 50% amazing. We all are. It’s what balances our ability to grow while having compassion for ourselves and others when we aren’t being our best selves. If we weren’t messy half the time, then we would be out of balance.
This doesn’t mean that 12 hours of the day you’re going to be amazing and 12 hours you’ll be a mess. If that were true, then my “have to be perfect” brain would shoot for being messy while I’m sleeping. Instead of looking at it like the scales of justice with the two scales straddling the base, look at it more like the yin-yang symbol. You’ll have times when you’re nearly perfect and times when you’re most definitely not. Many times, you’ll be close to the center of the circle, but depending on the circumstances and your opinions around them, it can swing either way.
We are already 50-50. The irony is, we usually spend more than 50% of our time ruminating on our messy sides wishing we were different.
This is where we can trap ourselves in a negative spiral. Instead of accepting our messiness, we are messy about our messiness. Unfortunately, this tips you into the messy side and you feel out of balance for far too long. (I talk more about this in my coaching video which you can watch for free by clicking the QR code below.)
Being messy is normal. It’s what makes us human beings and not robots without thoughts and feelings of our own. It’s more challenging to show our messiness because we are exposing our vulnerable sides, but it’s okay to be someone who has emotions with your own unique thoughts.
What I didn’t understand then, is I’m 100% full of worth regardless of how messy a person I am. Nothing I say or do can change this. The same is true for you. However, learning how to accept this takes time and practice. If you’re wanting to learn more about how to accept your messiness and create a better balance, click on the QR code below to watch more tips. See you there!
Connect with Amber: https://taplink.cc/myinnerlove.com