The Oxygen Mask Goes on You First – At first glance, it was wow! Tall, dark, and Greek. We had a palpable attraction, and I was more than happy to accept his dinner invitation. The place he chose was apparently his hangout; everyone knew him. Several hugs were had as we made our way to our table, “his table.” All is well and good so far. We sit down to dinner, chatting about our Greek family backgrounds, what we like to do, what we like to eat, all that getting-to-know-you stuff. Then, he said, “I do not ever like to be alone, ever, not even for coffee.” The screeching halt in my head was deafening. What!? Never? “Yep, never.” Even for tall, dark, and Greek, that was an absolute shocking deal-breaker.
As I unraveled my unexpected visceral reaction around the evening with tall, dark, and Greek, I understood how much I appreciate my own company. The thought of being with someone who cannot be alone jeopardizes what I now realize is cherished alone time. The time when I reflect and grow as a human, the time I chat to myself out loud or move silently through space, the time I walk around my place naked because it is so hot or dress like Nanook from the North because it is so cold, the time I can either dance or cry. While you can do all the above things with a partner, it is not the same as being in your singleness, your oneness. When you can honestly see who you are and figure out how to course-correct if needed. I did not consciously understand how vital “alone time” is until I saw the possibility of it no longer being available.
Having the reflective time, the quiet time, the inner time enables you to work unrestrained on aspects of life, such as your health, talent, confidence, purpose, or relationship with your higher power. When you take time for yourself, you can envision how much more you can do, you can become and become it.
One of the most necessary love relationships to nurture and make healthy is the one with yourself. Think of it like when you are on a plane. Before you take off, the steward announces that in the event of an emergency, an oxygen mask will drop down in front of you. The instruction is first to cover your face with the mask. Then, take care of those around you, including any kids. This advice goes for life, too. Okay, maybe you have heard this analogy before — because it is true. We are all flying on Air Life. If you do not take care of yourself and do things to develop the best and healthiest you, how can you be there for others? We all need a good dose of self-love.
For a long time, I struggled with what self-love meant. Is self-love another word for narcissism? Like many of us, I equated it with self-centeredness, selfishness, ego, and vanity, all of which have negative connotations that can bring on a negative self-image. It can be all these, though it does not have to be so. Self-love can have a positive and productive purpose in the form of self-care, self-directedness, self-compassion, and self-forgiveness. When you develop, practice, and do this for yourself, you also share its positive results with others around you.
A great place to begin this inward journey towards developing self-love is in learning to be your own best friend, best companion, and best playmate. The importance and benefits of learning to love and enjoy your own company are huge. For many, this is a challenging step because it means a) loving themselves, maybe for the first time, and b) actually spending time alone, which can be utterly mortifying if you are not used to doing this. It is okay, perfectly reasonable, to feel this way. However, I promise you will eventually come to embrace and covet the time with yourself. I look forward to evenings when I can make dinner alone while watching a favorite television series or hiking through the foothills near my home. Most of my travels are solo. The options for activities you can do on your own are limitless. So, seriously commit to caring for your wellbeing and spending time on your own.
- Go for long walks in a nearby park.
- Be enterprising, start a new business.
- Write an article, novel, play, or screenplay.
- Make a nutritious candle-lit dinner for one.
- Find a self-study program on a topic that interests you.
- Use your phone camera and take pictures of things that are meaningful to you.
The other benefit of learning to love yourself and your company is that you are with people because you want to be, not because you need to be, even for coffee, like my tall, dark, and Greek dinner date. You do not depend on someone else to keep you company. You already do that for yourself–this is powerful knowledge. You can be someone else’s compliment, and they are yours instead of filling a void. You can help others without losing yourself because you have clear boundaries about what is and is not acceptable in any relationship. Tom Cruise was wrong when he told Renee Zellweger in Jerry Maguire that she completed him. You do not need someone else to complete you. You already do that for yourself. Right now, say, “I complete myself.”
(A portion of this article is an excerpt from Maria Baltazzi’s Take a Shot at Happiness: How to Write, Direct & Produce the Life You Want. Published by Post Hill Press and Distributed by Simon & Schuster)
You can find more intentional practices in my book or by downloading my Take a Shot at Happiness app.
- Connect with our Executive Writer, Maria Baltazzi.
- Read more features from Maria.
- Get Your Copy of “Take A Shot At Happiness” Best Holistic Life Magazine’s Personal Development Book of The Year!
- Access the Take A Shot At Happiness APP! It is amazing!