Understanding Why No Matter What You Do, You’ll Always Be the Target in a Narcissist’s Mind Games
WHY WILL YOU NEVER BE ENOUGH FOR A COVERT NARCISSIST?
Understanding Why No Matter What You Do, You’ll Always Be the Target in a Narcissist’s Mind Games
Awakening from Illusion
My relationship with a covert narcissist lasted over 10 years. I met him before I became a therapist, though I had already completed my psychology degree. The first year was almost idyllic, after which a slow downward slope began. After about two years, it started to dawn on me that my partner had a personality disorder – initially, I thought it was borderline, but later, I understood it was covert narcissism.
The last month of our relationship revealed everything. His masks fell off, exposing a terrifying picture. I saw the entire spectrum of narcissistic tactics: lies, deception, triangulation, gaslighting, stonewalling, devaluation, emotional blackmail, lack of empathy, manipulation, playing the victim to gain sympathy, and finally, a smear campaign after I said my final No. On the one hand, he performed the duties related to ending our relationship; on the other, he took out his emotions on me, suggesting that everything was my fault because “he never wanted any of this.” At the same time, he was already corresponding with another woman, professing his love to her.
When he finally moved to the other side of the States and left me alone to sell our house, he still kept calling, expecting me to be his friend, providing him with attention and emotional support. I was a typical narcissistic supply for him.
One day, he wrote and sent me a poem lamenting his fate – how bad he felt, how he was waiting by the phone for me to call, how he missed me and was in despair. From his new lady, he extracted adoration, and from me, sympathy. No regard for what I was going through. I was at my wits’ end. I had nothing left to say, so I sat down and responded also with a poem titled “Never Enough.” Soon after that came the final end and zero contact.
The Mechanism of Narcissistic Reversal
The phenomenon of covert narcissism is that everything works in reverse. Under normal circumstances, the more effort you put into something, the better result you get; the more carefully you do something, the more precisely it is done; the more time you devote to something, the better relationship you have with it. With a narcissist, it’s the opposite – the more you try to love and support them, the greater rejection you’ll face.
A covert narcissist has a dysfunctional split self-structure, with a feeling of inner emptiness. When their consciousness turns inward, only self-hatred appears. That’s why they constantly flee from themselves, creating illusions in which everything is beautiful and they are important and appreciated – they experience contact with themselves as the death of their own self.

The Conflict Between Acceptance and Rejection
In the initial phase of the relationship, the conquest phase, everything is charming, chemistry-driven, blinded, and euphoric. The narcissist love-bombs, and in return, they get the same from you. It’s like paradise. At first, they want to be supported, and even ask for it. But this is just part of their deception and beautiful illusion. When real life comes later, and you start to notice what actually needs support, you become the enemy. And this is the beginning of the end. The narcissist tolerates only praise and appreciation. If you notice any shortcomings and want to help, you’ll start experiencing resentment and rejection from them, because your job is only to praise them, and everything else should be overlooked and unnoticed. A covert narcissist cannot emotionally handle any difficulties.
A covert narcissist hates themselves, which is why they so desperately crave acceptance. But when they receive it, they cannot accept it because one cannot simultaneously hate and accept oneself. So the more you see their struggles, the more your heart opens to help them, and the more you will be hated over time, because you have no right to see what they themselves do not want to acknowledge.
Stop Investing in a Bottomless Pit
For a narcissist, you will never be enough, because the more you do for them, the more you remind them of their emptiness, which they are desperately trying to escape. Accordingly, they will punish, reject, and humiliate you. The most important thing is to stop playing this endless game and accept that no one can help a narcissist except themselves. And they won’t do that because it would require confrontation with their hated Self.
Be prepared that when you take care of yourself and stop investing in this bottomless pit, you will be punished for that, too. But it doesn’t matter. What’s important is that you regain your worth, time, energy, and boundaries. Your inner Self, which has been waiting for you for a long time, will reward you generously.
You are worth it.
If what you’ve read resonates with you, I invite you this fall to my book “The Chameleon’s Game”—a” story about life with a covert narcissist. There, you’ll find everything that cannot be said in a single article.

NEVER ENOUGH
I woke up from a dream
of a bottomless pit
of never enough
they say that unconditional love is enough
they say it heals everything
it does not
I will love more…
it’s not enough
the abyss is empty again
I will forgive one more time…
it’s not enough
I’m the enemy again
I will understand harder…
it’s not enough
my understanding is wrong again
I will be more caring…
it’s not enough
it’s just another annoyance again
I will say what I think…
it’s not enough
my opinion is an attack again
I won’t say anything…
it’s not enough
I just don’t listen again
I will give him some space…
it’s not enough
I’m just ignoring him again
I will enter his space…
it’s not enough
I’m just another intruder again
I will focus on myself…
it’s not enough
I’m a cold-hearted bitch again
I will focus on him…
it’s not enough
I’m the evil controller again
in the bottomless pit
everything has to be rejected
nothing can be received
colorful and shiny masks
flying in the abyss
posing as truth
luring the innocence
consuming the essence
leaving nothing behind
moving to the next shiny mask
good only for the time being
until the shine wears off again
illusion of strength but no true ground
only transient attention of others
to stand on in the abyss
illusion of love but no true flow
just moving masks
creating fantasy movement
illusion of direction but no true light
only shiny masks
deceiving into another trap
there is boundless space in the abyss
but no room for anyone
only for a carnival of shiny masks
I woke up from a dream
of a bottomless pit
of never enough
I invite you to explore these ideas further in my book, You Are the Dream of the Universe. Dive deeper into these concepts and gain a new understanding of who your true self is.
A must-have “Operating Manual” for
the human being
Take an unprecedented journey into your deep inner self in a revolutionary
look at self-awareness!
- Contact Katarzyna “Kasia” Dodd.
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