You Want Love, But Can You Really Handle It?
I spent most of my 20s in dead-end relationships. I had a pattern of attracting the same man: unavailable, selfish, and addicted. No matter what I did or who I surrounded myself with, that’s inevitably who I ended up with.
Each relationship started the same way: lots of chemistry, fun dates, and all the right words. Then, when I wanted to take it to the next level, he’d become distant, lie, ghost, and convince me we were better off just as lovers.
Years of this left me lonely and, honestly, thinking there was something wrong with me.
“Why not me?”
I come from a small town in Montana, and by 31, all my friends were married, having children, and starting lives with people who were committed to them. After 15 years of dating and never being in a serious relationship, I finally swallowed the hard pill of responsibility and got into therapy to find out what was so wrong with me that no one could love me.
The Root of It All
Long story short, I desperately wanted love and partnership, but I didn’t feel safe.
When I was very young, I was separated from my mom. This broke my 4-year-old heart into a million pieces. Although moving in with my grandparents was the best thing for me, you can’t explain that to a toddler. I’m sure everyone did their best, but I was irrevocably devastated and missed my mother beyond words.
In those early years, two major things happened because of that heartbreak:
- I unknowingly created an identity that I wasn’t good enough to be loved and became hyper-independent.
- I subconsciously created a defense mechanism that kept anyone who could truly love me away because if no one ever really loved me, I’d never have to face the pain of losing them.
Apparently, if you experience abandonment young, this is common. When I received this feedback in therapy, everything made sense. But even though I knew the issue and wanted to change, no matter how hard I tried, nothing shifted, and then the shame spiral came.
From the Head to the Heart
It wasn’t until I got out of my head and into my heart and body that I was able to move the pain and rewire how I operated in the world.
You must create safety in the body if you want to change. The truth is, you’re an adult now with more resources than your inner child had when she became frozen in trauma. You just need to connect with those wounded parts of yourself, love them home to safety, and heal.
My Healing Tool: EFT
The Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is the very tool I used to stop the cycle of shame keeping me trapped. You can know the issue and want to change it—but if you don’t feel safe, it won’t stick. EFT is a science-backed therapeutic way to create safety, self-love, and self-acceptance.
Once you can safely face and heal old patterns, you align and attract what you truly desire. When you learn it’s safe to love and accept yourself, you open up to receive love from others.
You teach others how to love you through the way you love yourself.
Ready to Open Your Heart?
Below is an EFT script to help you create more self-love, trust, and openness to love. Give yourself grace and be gentle. Don’t worry about getting the points exactly right. You can also scan the QR code below to access my free YouTube channel and tap with me for free to get the hang of it.
The basics are simple: gently tap on the points, breathe deeply, and speak kindly to yourself.
Here is an EFT script for you to try today:
Setup (Karate Chop Point)
Even though part of me feels afraid to love… and I’ve been hurt, disappointed, and let down before… I deeply and completely love and accept myself anyway. (Take a big inhale and exhale.)
Even though my heart learned that love isn’t safe… and I’ve been protecting myself for a long time… I honor that protection and choose to gently open to safety and love. (Take a big inhale and exhale.)
Even though I’ve built walls to keep from getting hurt… I now choose to let love in—safely, slowly, and in my own divine timing.
Round 1: Acknowledging the Pain Eyebrow: It’s been hard to trust love.
- Side of Eye: I’ve been let down so many times.
- Under Eye: It feels safer to keep my heart guarded.
- Under Nose: Part of me still believes love will hurt.
- Chin: Maybe I’m scared it’ll all fall apart again.
- Collarbone: I honor how much pain I’ve carried.
- Under Arm: I’ve been protecting myself the best way I knew how.
Round 2 – Creating Safety in the Body Eyebrow: But I’m an adult now.
- Side of Eye: I have resources and wisdom I didn’t have before.
- Under Eye: I can create safety in my body.
- Under Nose: I remind my heart that it’s okay to soften.
- Chin: It’s safe to receive love now.
- Collarbone: It’s safe to be seen and cherished.
- Under Arm: My body can learn that love is safe again.
- Top of Head: I am building new patterns of safety and connection.
Round 3 – Opening to Love Eyebrow: I’m ready to open my heart just a little more today.
- Side of Eye: I’m learning to love and accept myself fully.
- Under Eye: The more I love me, the more love flows toward me.
- Under Nose: I can attract love that honors my heart.
- Chin: I can be vulnerable and still be safe.
- Collarbone: Love is my natural state.
- Under Arm: I am worthy of deep, lasting love.
- Top of Head: I am safe, loved, and open to receive.
Final word as you tap the top of the head:
I am safe now.
I forgive the parts of me that had to protect my heart.
I welcome love gently, freely, and with full trust in myself.
I am ready to give and receive love with ease.
I am love.
Take a deep breath in and out, and repeat these last five statements again to yourself with your hand on your heart. I know you can heal this and open up to receive more love than you knew was ever possible. It takes courage, self-compassion, and safety. You can do it. EFT can be your biggest ally in this process. Please scan the QR code and use my free YouTube videos to support you in your healing journey.
“Healing begins the moment you stop running from yourself and start listening to what your heart has been whispering all along.”- Veronica Kelly
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