Barely 6 feet above ground – The other day, I was asked who the strong woman I know was…
In moments where I want to reflect on the answer I am providing I grab my journal and start listing ALL the things that immediately come to mind.
The names of people, places I had been, or experiences that I had had with others weren’t what poured on to the page.
It was a list of all of the labels I have been handed to be in the form of a diagnosis.
At one point, my hand started to cramp, and the pad on my middle finger started to get sore…
I paused just to take a look at what I had written….
“Wow, I allowed a lot of people to hand me some really heavy things that I agreed to carry even if only for a short period of time…”
It became clear as I was staring at the list on the page that at one point in life I was indeed dying in more than one way.
The irony, reflectively, is that I was too busy chasing the “solution” that HAD to exist outside of me to notice how far gone I was…
That is until my feet couldn’t keep up with my mind…literally.
It was as if my body had pulled the emergency break…
I mentally wandered back to the original question… “Who is the strongest woman you know.”
The answer came roaring at me with unwavering confidence.
It’s ME.
The strongest woman I know is ME!
I come from a long line of strong women:
- Not resilient strong
- Not the I’m going to explore the depths of my soul strong
- Not the trauma stops with me strong
- Not the I’m going to set boundaries and say no strong
- Not the I recognize it’s always been this way + it doesn’t have to be this way so I’m going to pivot strong
- Not the this relationship isn’t working for me so I’m going to vocalize my needs + work at it or walk away strong
- Not the I don’t live according to other peoples labels and expectations but walk to the beat of my own drum strong
- The self sacrificing strong
- The push through your exhaustion strong
- The set aside your feelings strong
- The prioritize everyone but me strong
I don’t know about you but I am tired just reading that.
When I really settle into what I am seeing on the page… it’s no wonder and not a shock I couldn’t walk.
Life wasn’t gonna let me go on living the story of self sacrificing so she gave me a choice… I could choose me OR see my way out 8 years later I’m sitting on the other side of this screen sharing this with you I chose me and will continue to choose me We think poor health haphazardly happens…
We often assume the perspective that we have fallen victim to something And I bet if you were willing to sit with your:
Emotions Language + stories Relationships, including the one with yourself Choices…past + present Environments + circumstances you find yourself in You would see that not much is haphazard.
- Your body tells the truths you’re terrified to speak
- Your body never falters in the execution of the delivery of her message
- Your body never lie, ever.
The résponse to her invitations weighs just as heavily in the outcome as the delivery of it.
Big love, T
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