Feeling off? Here’s how to find yourself again – This summer has been a reminder of how beautiful life can be. In the warmth and light, I feel like I’ve stepped back into myself after a difficult winter and spring. But why was the beginning of the year so challenging? Well, beyond the typical seasonal depression wrought by short, cold days and long nights, I had a lingering injury that prevented me from doing a lot of the things I love. In my frustration and anxiety, I allowed myself to lose sight of the other things that bring me joy. In a way, I forgot who I was.
Oftentimes, we’re better about checking in on others than ourselves. It’s not something we think to do; after all, in theory, we’re always present with ourselves. But that isn’t actually the case. Life is noisy, busy, and distracting. In the clamor of everyday tasks, we lose the quiet spaces that are essential for self-reflection and understanding.
Whether you believe in nature, nurture, or a combination of the two, one of the great wonders of humanity is that we are all unique individuals. On some level, the core of who we are is formed at a very young age. However, as we go through life, it’s easy to lose sight of the thread that connects us back to who we always were. This thread is our authenticity, our essence, and it is fragile and easily obscured.
How do we become disconnected?
It’s remarkably easy to drift away from ourselves. Several key factors contribute to this:
- Constant Busyness: Modern life glorifies productivity and achievement. We often prioritize tasks, responsibilities, and external measures of success over personal well-being. This constant busyness leaves little room for self-reflection, causing us to overlook our emotional and mental needs.
- Digital Distractions: Our phones, social media, and endless streams of digital content provide instant gratification, constantly pulling our attention outward. This nonstop stimulation prevents meaningful internal dialogue and reflection, leaving deeper questions about our identity and values unexplored.
- Over-Identification with Roles: When we immerse ourselves in roles defined by others, whether in work, family, or social situations, we can lose touch with our individuality. We start defining ourselves by these external expectations, forgetting that our identity is more expansive and multifaceted.
- Neglecting Personal Interests: When we neglect hobbies and passions, parts of ourselves become dormant. Without nurturing these aspects of our personality, we may feel incomplete or dissatisfied, unaware of why we’re experiencing emotional unrest or unhappiness.
Recognizing these patterns is the first step. Once we understand how we’ve become disconnected, we can actively take steps to rediscover our true selves.
How to rediscover yourself
Fortunately, there are practical ways to reconnect with your core identity and reclaim your authentic self:
- Journal: Engage in self-dialogue and make the effort to get to know yourself again. Reflect on your values. Every time I go long periods without journaling, I forget who I really am and what I want. But when I reflect on what I’ve written before, I see patterns of thought and behavior that provide clarity and perspective. Journaling helps uncover unconscious motivations, hopes, and fears, serving as an anchor in turbulent times.
- Do what you love: Make the time to do the things that bring you joy. If you don’t, it’s easy to get lost in the gears of the societal machine. Rediscover your hobbies, passions, and creative pursuits. Activities that resonate with our true selves not only bring happiness but also rejuvenate us, making us better equipped to handle life’s demands.
- Spend time with the people who know you best: Oftentimes, other people in our lives can know us better than we know ourselves. The distance from our own fears, insecurities, and stressors offers a clearer vision of who we are and what we care about. It isn’t always the people you’ve known the longest but those with whom you’ve felt most connected. Prioritize these relationships; they provide mirrors that reflect back your authentic self.
- Indulge in your interests: It’s normal to desire knowledge. Instead of scrolling, focus your energy on learning more about something that intrigues you. You might try reading a book. I’ve always loved animals, but living in the city, I had lost touch with that part of myself. But when I read Cat Sense by John Bradshaw, a nonfiction book about our feline friends, I suddenly remembered the sense of wonder in mundane, everyday things that had gotten lost. Diving deep into a specific topic can reignite passion and curiosity, enriching your day-to-day life.
Why is it important?
Taking the time to reconnect with yourself isn’t just beneficial; it’s essential for overall well-being:
- You’ll feel more fulfilled: Knowing yourself deeply creates inner peace and satisfaction. When you honor who you truly are, your actions align with your values and goals, resulting in a more meaningful existence. You’ll feel less like a passenger in your own life and more like the driver, consciously steering your path.
- You’ll form healthier, more authentic relationships: When you’re most in touch with who you are, you’ll find that you make fast, authentic relationships. People who confidently wear their own skin and walk with self-assuredness have a magnetism about them that inevitably attracts others who are the same. You’ll find people who have similar values and interests, and it will form a positive feedback loop in which you nourish and support each other.
- You’ll be more resilient: Regularly checking in equips you with the knowledge that, even when things get hard and you don’t feel like yourself, you are still the person you’ve always been. It helps to know that, when you need it most, you’ll be able to return to yourself. This can prevent you from getting too down when things aren’t going your way.
Ultimately, regularly reconnecting with yourself provides clarity and strength. Seasons will always change—there will be brighter times and darker ones—but maintaining a steady connection to your inner self ensures you’ll always find your way back home.
For more reflections and discussions on self-awareness and personal growth, join me at The Way Home.
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