INNER VOICE WHO?
Over a decade ago, stress was the master of my life. Burning the candle at both ends against the middle was my Modus Operandi. If I wasn't moving at 180mph with my hair on fire, I wasn't moving. Trouble was my inner being was trying desperately to get my attention and I just kept giving it the cold shoulder. In essence, I was saying, “Be quiet, I don't need you.” Clearly, I did.
Instead of heeding my migraines, slowing down when I'd get a strange buzzing against the back of my scalp, or noticing my balance was off from time to time, I arrogantly thought, “if it's anything, I'll drop.” Silly girl.
So…drop I did. On the outside deck of a beautiful waterside restaurant and in front of my frightened husband and children, I had a Grand Mal Seizure. For those who do not know what that is, its a complete shut down of your brain and body, induced, in my case by extreme stress. Guess I had it coming.
I knew on every level, before the seizure, I was not in alignment with my soul. There was no self-care taking place, there was no attention spent on my inner voice, there was no saying ‘no' when I needed to and absolutely no saying ‘yes' when I truly wanted to. In short, I was coming last in my own life.
My inner guidance had been trying to turn me around; trying to show me in a million little ways that a different direction was needed but my fear kept me from listening. Fear, that said, “it's selfish to do things for yourself” or “you need to be perfect so others love and approve of you” and finally, “you need to be ‘all that' or you're nothing'…even to yourself.
IS THIS YOU?
As an intuitive Empath I was unknowingly governed by all the typical stressful characteristics:
- I felt everyone else's stuff: I wanted to fix everything and take away their burdens.
- Conflict pained me so I avoided it like the plague…giving in to others' needs so as not to agitate anyone.
- Overwhelmed by the thought of change in any form kept me in place, even the place I hated.
- The need to please was overwhelming; this kept me well-liked and validated my importance.
- Being perfect was my identity: I was the sum of what I did for others and what I accomplished: nothing less.
- I received impulses, nudges and signs all day long and I blocked them out. They represented what I was unable to do: change.
Spending my time pleasing others while trying to carve out a place for my dreams on the side wasn't wise. It was exhausting, confusing and clearly not the right way to get to the place of peace I so dearly wanted.
Well, you get it. You're probably there…but I don't recommend a serious medical crisis as a means to waking up to your own inner being: a path I wouldn't wish for anyone. But for me, clearly, it was necessary.
After that day on the deck of the restaurant, I had no choice but to focus on my well-being. It was that or be plagued by stress for the rest of my life.
KNOW WHAT YOU ARE IGNORING
So…what wasn't I, and possibly aren't you listening to clearly? Ignoring your inner guidance can look a lot like this:
- Experiencing extreme anxiety when all should be going smoothly.
- Second-guessing your own thoughts and decisions because others' don't agree.
- Ignoring things that excite you in lieu of someone else's desires or perceived judgment.
- Holding back from self-expression for fear you'll cause conflict.
- Dismissing strong impulses, nudges or creative thoughts as though they are meaningless.
- Always putting others first at your own emotional expense.
- Feeling overwhelmed energetically after a long day at work or with groups of people.
Sound familiar? Yeah, I thought so. Time to start engaging with your inner being. Stop focusing outside yourself. You're paying too much attention to opinions, judgments and activity of others. Now would be a good time to reverse your attention back to yourself.
- Start following the momentum of your own inspirations, creative ideas, and powerful instincts.
- Notice your physical body when it constricts or expands when making choices.
- Put your health and well-being first, without guilt or shame.
- Allow for time alone with your thoughts: it'll make a big difference.
Above all, notice the power of your inner voice: it never lies.