You do everything right. You help others. You selfishly listen. You make certain everyone else is satisfied. You are ever-present, ready and giving. You never stop. You are selfless and you’ll do anything to keep the peace. Your needs don’t even enter your mind.
That’s because they sit patiently waiting for your attention. They wait at the end of the line where they long to be next in your life’s queue. And while you ignore your needs, they become more insistent.
Just because you can’t hear them clearly doesn’t mean they’ll quit. Just because you are working hard to please others, live up to some outdated version of a ‘good person’, or feel the need to be ‘all that’ to everyone else doesn’t mean it’s the right way to treat yourself. Those deep-seated needs will show up in ways that will force you to notice them. And sometimes it’s not pretty.
You know that stomach upset that plagues you every night? That’s your solar plexus squeezing so tight your energy is getting all bottled up. Start speaking your mind. It doesn’t have to be obnoxious or unkind: just say what you feel and feel what you mean. Say ‘no’ when you need to. Say ‘yes’ only when you want to. You’ll feel better, I promise.
And that headache that won’t quit? That’s your inner vision trying so hard to get past your emotional blind spots. You’ve got built-in answers and they are always available. Listen harder to that inner coach and block out all the opinionated noise happening outside yourself. Allow your path to appear gently before you…and then follow it.
Your stiff neck and shoulders? It’s not just poor posture. It’s those rigid beliefs that keep tripping you up. When your inner being knows what’s good for you and you keep denying personal truth, your body bears the brunt. It’s ‘you’ fighting ‘you’. Ouch! Let go and entertain the possibility that beliefs that cause guilt, regret, shame or pain might not be in your best interest.
Mind chaos so distracting it steals your blessed sleep away? Get back to the moment. You’re looking too far ahead or too far back in your life. Worry, anxiety or fear never did anybody any favors and it won’t start with you. Instead, take notice of the softness of your bed, the support of your pillow or the coziness of your favorite blanket. Spray your favorite smell onto the pillowcase and inhale it as you slumber. Play your favorite relaxing music; let it be a lullaby. Just stay present. Sleep is a gift you give yourself. Give it.
Notice those teeth you are grinding down to dull nubs? That’s you bracing yourself from life while you could be peacefully living it. Take a few deep breaths when you begin to feel stressed. Not the kind of breath that only makes it to your esophagus but the kind that extends your belly. Yes, all the way down to your belly button. Hold it there for a second and then release through your mouth and with it, all the stress that decided to settle into your body. Then smile…your teeth will love you for it.
That elephant on your chest? It might be asthma or an oncoming cold but more likely, while you are putting your self-care and self-reverence on the smallest burner on the stove, it’s the result of your reluctance to engage in your own life. It’s like taking a mouthful of your favorite drink and letting it dribble out the sides of your mouth. It’s never really satisfying and it can be quite messy.
I’m being silly here to demonstrate a point but I’m only half kidding. Everything listed above IS what happens to you when you decide that the life you are directly responsible for gets sidelined so you can be responsible for someone else’s.
You were never meant to fix, change or direct anyone else’s life with the singular exception of parenting and even that isn’t absolute. Like the rest of us, you have an obligation to one thing: your own beautiful life. No more, no less. If you choose to care for another, it should be because you want to, with all your heart and soul and for no other reason than you enjoy it.
Obligation, misdirected sense of worthiness or reward should not be the reason you put your own life on the waitlist. Your life deserves the big burner.
Want to know more about the author?
Lisa Crofton is a long time Intuitive Master Coach & Strategist specializing in Intuitive and Empathic Intelligence. After a life-changing illness forced her to reexamine the truths in her life, Lisa embraced her authentic intuitive nature and blossomed into the powerful coach and mentor she is today. Lisa works with organizations, individuals and groups guiding them to professional, personal and spiritual alignment. She is an expert on The Four Agreements, authored by Don Miguel Ruiz, both lecturing on the subject and coaching from its powerful foundation. Lisa is an avid writer having written professional greeting cards, a newspaper column, contributing author in the Amazon Best Seller ‘Essential Healing for Spirit and Soul’ and is currently working on her own book called ‘Courage to Disappoint: The Art of Being YourSELF’.
Learn more about Lisa by clicking here